We are here to tell you everything you might need to know about the first 7.25 seasons of The X-Files before it’s inexplicable return. From Conquistador Tree-People to Clone Drone Hybrids this is truly the definite Critical Guide to Characters, Mythology, and Monsters whether you Want To Believe it or not.

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Where Mustache Man is canon.

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Listen to Special Episode – 0:52:06

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Mila and John help us mousetrap our way through 7×06 – “The Goldberg Variation”. In which Willie Garson might or might not use his windbreaker to be a flying squirrel. Mulder has terrible hair and even worse ideas. We see the early work of the harbinger of doomsday that will henceforth forever be known as Steve the Beef. A real life X-File terrifies all of us to our core. Harsh Ream 1×02 “Title I Can’t Be Bothered to Look Up” continues to be revolting garbage.

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Where no one is named Mike Pinocchio

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Listen to Episode 7×06 – 1:41:55

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Episode 6×10 – Tithonus

April 21st, 2015

Evangeline and Will join us to discuss 6×10 “Tithonus” in which Scully goes on adventure, with the guy who isn’t Ryan Reynolds but might be from the 1940s, to track down a guy that might be from the 1840s. She then becomes immortal by acting like a J.J. Abrams apologist and ignoring lens flare. Millennium 3×07 “Through a Glass, Darkly” is a super creepy episode that takes us back to the salad days of season one.

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Where we don’t whine about immortality.

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Listen to Episode 6×10 – 1:57:10

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Episode 2×23 – Soft Light

October 1st, 2013

Steph joins us from the shadows to discuss ‘Soft Light’ It’s an emotional roller coaster as Brad loses his one true love to the most nonsensical plot ever derived. Vince Gilligan makes his writing debut… and Chris Carter throws monkey wrenches to water it down.

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Where no one will suck you into a blackhole/darkmatter/whatever.

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Listen to Episode 2×23 – 1:52:01

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This may just be the best worst episode yet. It is disgusting, horrifying, and pumped full of completely unsanitary conditions that may cause you to just set yourself on fire because your life is over. Then again, one of the hosts may be totally smitten. Oh Flukey, you charming worm-humanoid-radioactive goo-thing, you are the apple of someone’s eye, if that apple wasn’t an apple and was actually raw sewage. And, friends, we’ll warn you right now, the puns get a little out of control this week.

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Make sure to keep a steady diet of livers to retain that stretchy feeling.

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Listen to Episode 2×02 – 1:43:32

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Episode 1×21 – Tooms

March 19th, 2013

In this super-rad episode Moira visits and we discuss the return of everone’s favorite child predator Doug Hutchinson as Eugene Victor Tooms. We learn the shocking truth about the Frank Briggs and discuss the feasibility of toilet toupees and liver based time travel.
Make sure you check-out the super handy chart illustrating “The Life and Times of Everyone’s Favorite Crazy Old Cop Frank Briggs”

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It’s much more culturally relevant than Hotmail or The Simpsons!

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Listen to Episode 1×21 – 1:46:46

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