Ian and Michael David join us for 10×05 – “Babylon” an episode about the fears of old white dudes before Herr Trump rode in on his great white horse to save them. Basically Mulder and Scully try to talk to a dead terrorist. It’s absolute garbage.

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Where we’re building a wall around this episode and Chris Carter is going to pay for it.

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Listen to Episode 10×5 – 1:28:22

Tags: Agent Einstein, Agent Miller, Angry Woman, Artin John, ASA Podcasting, Babylon, Brad Cupples, Bruce Harwood, Chris Carter, Claire Laffar, Clinton, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, Down Below: A Babylon 5 IntroCast, Eric Breker, FBI Agent Guard, Firestorm, Fox Mulder, Fuck Chris Carter, Garry Chalk, Gillian Anderson, introtox, introtox.com, Islamophobia, J. Alex Brinson, Janet Kidder, John Fitzgerald Byers, Johnny Ghorbani, Lauren Ambrose, Mad Dog, Man in Suit 1, Man in Suit 2, Marci T. House, Melvin Frohike, Mitch Pileggi, Mo Said, Nina Nayebi, Noora, Nurse, Osama Look Alike, Racism, Richard 'Ringo' Langly, Robbie Amell, Sexism, Shaine Jones, Shiraz, Smoking Man, SP Agent Brem, Stephen Lobo, Tammy Ginader, This is garbage, Tom Braidwood, Trump, Walter Skinner, Web of Queer Podcast, William B. Davis, X-Files, xfiles, Young Muslim

Everyone is arguing loudly and we have absolutely no clue why. Join us for the questionably titled episode 8×03 – “Patience” Wherein Scully and Dogget go to Gotham to track down the Batman. We learn a lot about being an old-fashioned cop and are hugely upset we didn’t get to meet the town librarian.

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Where we know who Batman’s arch-nemisis actually is.

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Listen to Episode 8×03 – 1:32:07

Tags: 40yrs ago this very night, Annie O'Donnell, As a manly man, Awful Directing, Awful writing, Batboy, Bath Salts, Bats, Bird Island, Brad Cupples, Bradford English, Brent Sexton, Bryan Rasmussen, C.O.P.S. The animated series, Cabot Cove, Chris Carter, Claire Laffar, Cleo is a ghost, Cleopatra 2525, Cop Rock, Copland, Dan Leegant, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, David Lynch Casting, Desk, Det. Abbott, Dick Tracey, Dirty Cops, Ernie Stefaniuk, Eve Brenner, Evolution, Flukey, Flying Squirrel, Gary Bullock, Gene Dynarski, Gillian Anderson, Gotham City Idaho, Gravedigger, Heil Hydra, Hoarder, Horse Cops, How did he get that paper?, Human bites denote humans generally, Hungry, I can't begin to explain how many audio issues we had this week -- you're lucky to have it at all, introtox, introtox.com, Jay Caputo, John Doggett, K-9 Cops, Kids on PCP, Kristen Cloak, Kyle the bat, Magic Snake, Man-Bat, Mermaid, Mrs. McKesson, Myron Stefaniuk, Neck Beards, Old Fashioned Cop, Old Timey Bobby Cop, One Malt. Two Straws. Next Ep, Out of Body, Patience, Robert Patrick, Robocop, Santa Clause, SantaKersh, Sexism, Shadow, Sheriff Cable, Sheriff's Deputy, Stop Fucking Bats, Super super super punctuated Equilibrium, Tahoma, Tall George, Tammy Ginader, Team Kersh, Terminator Times, The Bat Thing, The blackness spitter, There are SO many cops in this town, This is not a healthy marriage, THIS MAKES NO SENSE, Threatening Chris into the CloakroomCast, tiny eyes John Goodman, unseen librarian is the Frank Briggs of this ep, Vampires, Vincent Praise, We Advocate a Mustache Man Lifestyle, What is everyone arguing about, wistful flashlight moments, X-Files, xfiles, Zombie Dogget

Matt joins us for 7×15 – “En Ami” in which Gillian Anderson gets kidnapped by a lecherous old creep with ulterior motives. We all feel bad for the head of the terrorist organization that was catfished by George and are very curious to see the cut scenes from this ep.

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Where we see what you’re up to William B. Davis.

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Listen to Episode 7×15 – 1:25:04

Tags: Apartment Manager, As a Friend, Brad Cupples, breasts, Bruce Harwood, Cameron McPeck, Catfish, CGB Spender, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Cobra, Cobra Commander, CSM is a real Tarter Sauce Joe, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, En Ami, Fox Mulder, Fuck Christian Scientists, Fuck Jehovah's Witnesses, Gillian Anderson, Goochland, HoopleCast, I don't know what Claire is talking about that hat, I've got an idea for an episode where I hang out with Gillian a lot. Also she takes off her shirt. And wears a low-cut dress, introtox, introtox.com, John Fitzgerald Byers, Louise Latham, Marjorie Butters, Matt Asendorf, Melvin Frohike, Michael Canavan, Mitch Pileggi, Nev and Max, Richard 'Ringo' Langly, Rob Bowman, Scully gets kidnapped, Sexism, Tammy Ginader, The worst parents, This doesn't make sense, Timothy Landfield, Tom Bailey, Tom Braidwood, Touched by an Angel, Walter Skinner, William B. Davis, William B. Davis is a real creep, X-Files, xfiles

Let’s hack the planet with Ian and Chris for 5×11 – “Kill Switch” Wherein Scully falls in love with a cyber-raccoon and David Duchovny attempt to make some acting choices. The assisted suicide episode of Millennium 2×11 “Goodbye Charlie” is another great and subtle ep.

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Where no one would keep Scully as their primary care physician.

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Listen to Episode 5×11 – 1:55:00

Tags: "one of the great fight scenes ever", "You have Electronic Internet Mail Letter Messages!", 2 Angry 4 Car Conversations, Acting Chops, All the explosions, Ally Warren, Amputation, Assisted Suicide, Bethoe Shirkoff, Born to be king Führer of the Universe. Here I belong Fighting to survive in a world with the darkest powers. And here we are we're the Third Reich of the universe. Here we belong, Brad Cupples, Brads greatest passion (after giving advice to Mormons) is promptness, Bruce Harwood, Buenos dias muchacha, Bunny, CAPSLOCK CHRIS, Catherine Black, CGI Kung Fu, Charles Figgis, Claire Laffar, Cyberpunk, Cyril Pollard, Dan Weber, David Duchovny, David Duchovny vs Kristen Cloke in an old-fashioned Acting-Chop-Off, David Lynch casted this doctor, Dean Haglund, Dean Haglund learned grammar from LDS.net, Deanne Henry, Delbert, Det. Bob Giebelhouse, Detective Kimmy Gibblerhouse, Detective Sandwich, Donald Gelman, Donald Gelman: Inventor of the single computer internet, Downbelow: A Babylon 5 IntroCast, dthomasmaddox.com is a ghost town, Eleanor Norris, Eleventh Hour Podcast, Ellsworth Beedle, Esther Nairn, Fighting for survival. We've come to be the rules of your world. I am immortal. I have inside me blood of Aryans. I have no rival. No man can be my equal. Take me to the future of your world, Frank Black, Gerald Boyce, Gillian Anderson, Goodbye Charlie, Hackers, Hitler the Highlander, Hooking up the lighting system to the car stereo was a huge misstep in 90s automotive technology, Input Device Ian, Internet trailer trash, introtox, introtox.com, Invisigoth, Jackson, Jerry Schram, Jesse Ventura's Truth Bombs, Joe & Chris Do a Thing, John Fitzgerald Byers, Just press enter dummy, Kate Luyben, Kill Switch, Kristen Cloke, Kristin Lehman, Krycek, Lance Henriksen, Laptop Man, Lara Means, literally giving up your individuality, Mabel Shiva, Megan Gallagher, Melvin Frohike, Millennium, Mulder's doctor is Scully he's also been pronounced dead twice. Coincidence?, Ninja Scully, NOT-Spanish Jack, Nurse Nancy, Officer Nello, Patrick Keating, Pendrell #NeverForget, Peter Williams, R.I.P. Franklin and Bash, Richard Langly, Ridiculously expensive garbage robots, Rob Bowman, Rob Daprocida, Sausage Arms, Scully wants to bang it out with Invisigoth, Sexism, She's typing that CD right out of the drive, Spanish Jack, Stealing evidence, Stefan Arngrim, Stephen Collins, Stephen J. Lang, Steven Kiley, Stop sleeping together in a nest of gross Lone Gunmen, Suicide, Tammy Ginader, Terabyte Tammy, The Last Word Podcast, The Lawnmower Man, The Lone Gunmen, The people writing these transcripts are bonkers, The Sarah Silverman Program, This is Des's fav ep ever, Tom Braidwood, Tom Maddox, Transhumanism, Tucker Smallwood, Tucker Smallwood only plays characters that are named after classic TV characters, Twilight Time, Walnut, Web Of Queer, Why is there a trap door in a trailer?, William Gibson, X-Files, xfiles

Happy Holidayzzz! Moira and Josh join us for 5×06 Christmas Carol. It’s xmas time and this year we get a (practically) David Duchovny free episode! Though we do have to suffer through Ghost-Choker Melissa and Terrible-Human Bill Scully. Also that demon seed monster baby from Millennium is back and this time… it’s a Scully. Millennium 2×06 “The Curse of Frank Black” is an amazing creepy Halloween nightmare.

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Where you will never have to wake up to Bill Scully’s giant gross face.

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Listen to Episode 5×06 – 2:11:26

Tags: 14-year-old Frank, 5-year-old Frank, 6:37 Mustache Man, A Thousand Men and a Baby, A. J. Adamson, Adoption, Awkward Family Dinner, Bill Scully is a dick, Bill Scully Jr., Bletch, Breaker High, Brittany Tiplady, Can a professional kidnap victim adopt? Apparently Not., Choker, Christmas, Danny, Dean Winters, Demons, Detective Kresge, Devil-ed Eggs, Devils, Don't forget to vote on Nov 7th if you are in the U.S., Don't give children gross religious paraphernalia, Dr. Ernest Calderon, dummy kid Scully, Emily Sim, Everything playing in 1997, Everytime the camera pulls away Scully pulls out a bottle of Johnny Walker, FBI Courier, Flubber, Frank Black, Gerard Plunkett, Ghost Storyteller, Ghosts, Halloween, Hard Target, Hobo, Joey Shea, John Pyper-Ferguson, Jordan Black, Karri Turner, Kenny G, Kett Turton, Lachlan Murdoch, Lance Henriksen, Lauren Diewold, Less rape than the previous episode, LET HER GET SOME SLEEP, Let's get real... this show won't let Scully have a dog. They aren't going to let her have a kid, maggot rabbit, Margaret Scully, Marshall Sim, Melinda McGraw, Melissa Scully, Moira's Medical Minute, Moira's Murder Advice Minute, Mr Crocell, Mustache Man, Out with the Old in with the Shrew, Pat Skipper, Pathologist, Patricia Dahlquist, People love delivering bad news on Christmas, Pregnant Women are Smug, Rebecca Codling, Rob Freeman, Ryan de Boer, s, Scully Falls Asleep: THE EPISODE, Sexism, Shaun Topl, Sheila Larken, So many xmas shipping miracles, State Sponsored Murderers, Susan Chambliss, Tara Scully, Tara you are the worst, That is Bill's kid that he gave up because he's the worst, The Ask Jeeves of the FBI, The most gigantic syringe ever, The Rabbit Died -- the weirdest saying ever, There Should have been a choker in that goddamn box, This cop does not sleep EVER, This Medical Examiner could only have been more hillarious if played by Wilford Brimley, Walter Marsh, Whimsical Rape, Wilforf Brimley, Zoë Anderson

Jason Abels joins us to discuss 4×12 (or 4×13) “Never Again” Mulder is going on vacation! Unfortunately he’s still going to be a huge douche. Scully’s daddy issues rear their ugly head again and she meets a guy with a homicidal tattoo voiced by Jodie Foster. It’s bonkers. Millennium 1×12 “Loin Like a Hunting Flame” treats us to a moustache party and a solid indictment of abstinence until marriage.

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Where you you are allowed to have sex and/or a desk even if you don’t have a penis.

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Listen to Episode 4×12 – 2:25:17

Tags: Adam and Eve, All the moustaches, All the red flags, appeasing the whims of David Duchovny is always awkward, Are you a failure, Art Nesbitt, Awful Tattoos, B.J. Harrison, Barbara Howard, Baywatch Nights, Betty, Bill Bixby, Bill Croft, Brad Cupples, Brittany Tiplady, Catherine Black, Chris Carter, Chris Carter's gross sexism is the worst, Claire Laffar, Comrade Svo, Contact, Cryo-Cord, Cyberseek, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Detective Gouveia, Detective Smith, Detective Thomas, Do not marry someone you have not had sex with., Ed Jerse, Entertainment Weekly, ergot, Eve, Even Steph is overwhelmed by the amount of lampshades that have been hung to and fro in this ep, Excited, fbi.lab.rl.fns.gov/forensics, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Fuller & Siegel, Gillian Anderson, Glen Morgan is a craven psychopath, Glengarry Glen Ross, Glowsticks, Graceland, hallucinations, Hannah, Harriet Sansom Harris, Hell Money, Hey Doctor Scully? You've seen this dude's awful constantly bleeding tat... why are you going to the same gross tattoo parlour?, Hey Scully don't touch somebody else's computer that is not ok, Hrothgar Mathews, Ian Robison, Igor Morozov, Infosuck, introtox, introtox.com, Is it harder to recognize Jodie Foster's voice or her appearance in the office?, IT, Jan Bailey Mattia, Jason Abels, Jay Donahue, Jillian Fargey, Jingle Editing Fail, Jodie Foster, Jordan Black, Karen Nesbitt, Kaye Schilling, kooky music, Lance Henriksen, Lion Like a Hunting Flame, Loin Like a Hunting Flame, Magella, Mathew McConaughey, Maureen Murphy, Maybe consider writing a second draft or even a third, Megan Gallagher, Memphis TN, Millennium, Morgan and Wong are outskies, Ms. Hadden, Mulder is a dick, Mulder with Extra concentrated douchebaggery, Never Again, Never again indeed, Ouroboros, Peter Watts, Possessed, Rave, Robin Burdge, Robin cut at least 45 seconds of him trying to pronounce Drakkar Noir. It was hillarious, Robin has the tattoo equivalent Snapple and Fruitopia bottles, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Rodney Rowland, rye grass, S&M, Scully's Daddy Issues, Sexism, shifty tattoos, So when Mulder's gone does she get his desk or does it pass to the next available human with a penis?, Spooky Beach Afternoons, Still waiting for Lance Henriksen to turn into a dragon OR his daughter to be kidnapped/murdered, Superman is a dick, Tammy Ginader, Tammy Memories, tattoo, Terry O'Quinn, The After, The amazing joke that could have been, The Elvis Files, The Magician, The only thing worse than the complaints of the X-Files fans is when they cater to the complaints of the fans, The Partridge Family, This Is Wrong: The Outlandish Undertakings of Teddy Ruxpin as Discussed by Werner Herzog & Friends, This Russian plot is Everyone gets the tattoo they deserve, tramp stamp, Trust No Man... Tom Noman, Ughhh tattoos are the worst, Vietnam, Voice of Betty, Vsevlod Pudovkin, wacky old man running in the park, We will never see this tattoo again, Werner Herzog, When the members of the anti-blood transfusion failed doomsday cult are less crazy than the guy they are annoying with their Jeezo nonsense you've got a bad situation, William Lucking, X-Files, X-Files Trivia, xfiles, Yahoots

Here’s a bonus episode that you can enjoy while you are celebrating either being a dad or having one or just knowing one. Sidney Poitier’s “Ghost Dad” starring Bill Cosby as the ghost (not in a machine). Is it about a loving dead father or a weird Ayn Rand Superhero? Regardless these orphans are fucked. Also listen in fear as Claire deals with the Baby Bird Saga.

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Where young magicians are not encouraged!

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Listen to Bonus Episode “Ghost Dad” – 1:25:52

Tags: A "tall" impression, A Ninja Turtle that had a stroke, All the subplots, Amanda Hopper, American Treasure:Patrika Darbo, Are we all ghost dads inside?, Arnold Stang, At this point Brad is the world's most knowledgable and well documented Ghost Dad fan in history, Baby Bird Saga, Barry Corbin, Bill Cosby, Bobby Briggs, Brad Cupples, Brian Stokes Mitchell, Brooke Fontaine, Bunny suit, Carol, Cat attack, Cats are the worst, Christine Ebersole, Claire Laffar, Curtis Burch, Dakin Matthews, Dana Ashbrook, Danny Hopper, Deep intricate labyrinths of plot, Denise Nicholas, Devious Maids, Diane Hopper, Don Knotts and Rick Moranis in a blender, Double Dare, Douche Cop T-1000, elderly patient, Elliot Hopper, Family Comedy, Father...You were a ghost dad long ago!, Fathers Day, Freddy Kruger Phone Hijinx, Fuck these asshole orphans, Ghost Breath, Ghost Dad in the Machine, Ghost Mom, Ghost Pregnant, Ghost tech, Harsh Realities, Hercules in New York, His shadow died long ago, How does this fool not have insurance?, Ian Bannen, If someone asks if you want to see a magic trick the correct response is "Fuck Off", Indirect Sunlight, introtox, introtox.com, Joan, Jonelle, Kimberly Russell, Leonard Part 6, Lisa Mene Nemacheck, Magician, Mr. Cohen, Mr. Emery Collins, Mr. Seymour, My Stepmother is an Alien, Omar Gooding, Peeling back the veils, Pudding pops, Put the bitch on the phone, Raven-Symoné, Raynor Scheine, Robin Burdge, Salim Grant, Selfish Little Fuckers, Sexism, Sidney Poitier, Sir Edith Moser, So this family is fucked. Right?, Steve Martin, Stuart, Tammy Ginader, Teacher, That little girl murdered her sister. TRUST, the Cabbie, The COS, The Invisible Man, This film could have used a vicious Japanese gang, Thursday, Tony Ricker, urine snatching, Vampire, Witch, Young Republicans

If you like creepy ladies rocking the worst fashions OR completely unnecessary boat scenes: This is the episode for you! Nutty helps us stay awake through Nisei an episode that should be interesting on paper but is just a strained labyrinth of plodding set up.
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Where no Wookie’s have been hunted and turned into vests.

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Listen to Episode 3×09 – 1:48:24

Tags: 2Shy's would-be future victims, 731, Agent Pendrell, Alien Autopsy, Allentown, An 'undiagnosed' cancer ailment is either not 'undiagnosed' or not 'cancer', Beastmaster fashions, Belief is not a choice you fucking idiotic cliche spouting hack writers, Believing without reason is called faith aka the most absolutely useless concept ever imagined, Best dressed/worst dressed, Brad Cupples, Brendan Beiser, Bruce Harwood, Car-stealing fanny-pack wearing douche forces, Chinamen, Chris Carter is a douche, Claire Laffar, Coast Guard Officer, Corrine Koslo, Creighton Dukes, Crossing Jordan, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, Diane, Diplomatic Immunity, Dr. Shiro Zama, Expelled, Fashion Panic Attack, Finding actors that can walk into a train and shoot people is apparently difficult, FOX, Fox Mulder, Fuck these writers, Gillian Anderson, Gillian Barber, If that had been an iPhone Mulder would have hopped off of that train, introtox, introtox.com, John Fitzgerald Byers, Jon goes on notice, Jonathan Frakes, Keanu Reeves and David Duchovny in "Chops", Keep it under your hat toots, Keep spraying the ufo with fog before it get's un-mysterious!, Kids hanging out by trains are clearly from the 'wrong side of the tracks', Local Flavor Burns, Lock the boat doors to keep the mermaids at bay, Lone Gunmen, Lori Ann Triolo, Lottie Holloway, Maybe don't carry the alien tracking device with you, Maybe just maybe spend more time working on a reasonable plot and less picking out personally significant numbers, Melvin Frohike, Mermaids, Mitch Pileggi, Monsters begetting monsters, More racist feedback than Sean Hannity's home answering machine, Mr. X, Mufon, Mulder losing his gun, Neeson, nimlas.org, Ninja Mulder, Nisei, Nutty Bites Podcast, Nutty has all the gun facts... gross, Nutty Nuchtchas, Oblong, Oh I missed the train? I'll just drive around and then climb up here and catch up with it. No worries, One of us, Paul Anthony McLean, Penny Northern, Peter O'Toole, Phones in the 1990s were bonkers, Quincy M.D., racist flute, Rat tails are the worst, Raymond J. Barry, Red-Haired Man, Regression Hypnosis... again, remember when people paid $39.95 for VHS tapes?, Richard 'Ringo' Langly, Robert Ito, Robin Burdge, Rouge, Rufus, Run For Your Life, Satellite Dishes don't have magic powers, Secret trains, Senator Matheson, Senator Richard Matheson, Sexism, Skinner loves sitting in Mulder's apartment in the dark like a weirdo, Snoozeathon, So by alien abduction you mean Japanese Nazi doctor abduction, Stephen McHattie, Steven Williams, Stretching an episode out beyond reason, Talapus, Tammy Ginader, The Lame Gunmen, The not quite red-haired man, The Softer Side of Sears 1988, The TN/Japanese/Nazi cabal, Tom Braidwood, Tupperware Team, Turtleneck, UMMM WHAT IS WITH ALL OF THESE HIGH RATINGS? DID YOU PEOPLE WATCH/STAY AWAKE THROUGH THE SAME EPISODE?, Walter Skinner, What the fuck is it that Scully is supposed to 'believe'?, What the hell was up for the Emmy's against this, Wookie vest, X-Files, X-files fans are somehow lamer than The X-Files, xfiles, You are giving away way too much information for someone who can't give away information, YOU DO NOT GET TO SHOOT RANDOM PEOPLE, You don't get to steal people's personal property just because you are an FBI agent, ZZZZZZ

Bam! Steph joins us in this cuckoo-bananas episode as we try to figure out what the hell a “Conduit” is. Mulder needs to be under investigation by Chris Hansen. We learn all about bad tattoos, bad parenting, and bad law enforcement. Is the awesomeness of an episode directly correlated to the size of the plot holes? Rubeeeehhhh!

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Or we’ll cry harder than David Duchovny!

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Listen to Episode 1×04 – 1:35:08

Tags: BAM, Baywatch Nights, Beauty and the Beast, Bikers... Duck! Because Motorcycles can't hit you if you're on the ground?, Conduit, Conduit... You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means, Coolness vs Basic Reasoning, Creepy Kid, Crying on cue, Doctor David Hasselhoff, Douche NSA, Dreamcatcher, Duchovny can't cry, Duchovny Hair-Watch, Everyone's a dick, Formally deonouncing and rejecting Des and Skylar, GET YOUR INDEX FINGER OFF THAT CHILD'S CROTCH!, How does alien small area exhaust burning work?, Insanly over-generalized archetype deconstruction for the sake of filling a useless article, Johnny-Come-Lately Feedback, Lake Okobogee, Lamest Tattoo, Library Mysteries, Lost Boys, Luckily Robin doesn't make pro-Nazi sentiments... for once, Margot Kidder, Mulder acts like a chimo, Mulder vs Wolf, Mulder's Spirit Guide, Neil Young, NSA security codes are only 3 digits, Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds, Pennywise, Poltergeist ripoff, Pro:Hot-Drinks Anti:Decent-Parenting, Questionable Binary, Rainbow coalition of wolves in unity for America, Rubeeehh!, Rubing maggot adjacent evidence on your chin like a pro, Ruby!, Ruuubeeeehhh!, Sadsack Mulder, Say hello to the night, Scrap Book of Shame, Sexism, Shortalls, Slut-Shaming, Small town dick cops, T-Rex is more likely than aliens, Talkative Hobo, Teenwolf, Tessa is the goddamn Batman, That is not how science works, Three Derivitive Little Pigs, Too close to this case to be rationale… really?, Twin Peaks, Unnecssary CPR, Warning: Listener feedback contains discussion of how characters are dressed... ignore if you can't handle it, Werewolf Pals, Who needs evidence when you have third tier tabloid stories?, Worst Mother Ever