It’s time for the first X-Files movie. Matt joins us to discuss bees, herda hada yokel kids, and the proper etiquette for borrowing a friend’s clothing. We learn that if you forget the mythology up to this point and ignore the definitions of words it makes much more sense. We also have the greatest theme tune ever, a special surprise visit via explanatory monologue, and the reading of the contest winning fanfic.

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Where we Fight. Fight. Fight the Future.

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Listen to Fight The Future – 2:46:32

Tags: 1998, 2shy did it first, A lot of Bees in a Scully Suit, Alex Jones, Aliens don't need starbucks, Alvin Kurtzweil, Amani, American Gothic, Americans cannot handle Roundabouts, An Old-Fashioned Monkeyshiner, Anti-vaxxers bringing back preventable disease... That's one way to bring the future to its knees, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Bees, Ben Bronschweig, Bill Mulder Choose Samantha to survive, Black Oil, Black-Haired Man Jason Beghe, Blackwood County, Blythe Danner, Bruce Harwood, Cavemen, charging box, Children of the Corn, Chris Carter, Chris Carter explains the mythology for four minutes, Chris is a hero, Cigarette Smoking Man, Conrad Strughold, Conspiracies, Cool Drinks, Dale from The Walking Dead, Darius Michaud, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, Dirtwater Kids, Disposable Orphans AKA Orphans, Djinn, Don S. Williams, Don't piss on buildings with friends, E.T., Fanfiction, Fellow Travellers, FEMA, Fight The Future, Fight. Fight. Fight the Future, Fighting the future, First Elder, Frank Spotnitz, Fuck People, George, George has a spaceship office, George Murdock, Gillian Anderson, Greatest Theme Tune EVER, H.R. Giger Mat Paintings, herda hada yokel kids, How did he stumble into finding Scully's clothes... wait... how did he even find Scully?, How did they get to/fro Antarctica?, How is Krycek not in the movie, How many alien groups are there?, How would the colonist use/control the black oil at all assuming they are different species, If FEMA is the secret govenment why do you have to coverup things at a YOUR office, Independence Day, Infect with black oil cook to 500° for 35 min let scary monster erupt from chest, Jana Cassidy, Jeffrey De Munn, Jerry Watts, Jerry Watts death is Mulder's fault, Jesse Ventura, John Fitzgerald Byers, John Neville, Kermit the Frog, Knockout bees, Like a time capsule android programmed to shoot ya... That's one way to fight the future, Little Travellers, Live Tweets from Tammy, Locale Latin Cabaret References, London England, Long Con, Lucas Black, Mark Snow... are you ok?, Martin Landau, Melvin Frohike, Michael Shamus Wiles, Mitch Pileggi, Monkeyshines, Monsanto Monsanto Monsanto, Mr. Mulder PULL THE STRINGS! PULL THE STRINGS!, Mulan, Mulder could solve so many X-Files if he spent as much time looking at family photos as he does the National Enquirer, Mulder gets shot in the head at point blank range, Mulder's Genie, Murder by Numbers, Mustache Acting, No chatting whilst urinating, Orphan Children, Panic Face, Plinky-plonky music, PolarVortex, Rabid Hungry Orphans, Rent-An-Orphan, Richard Langly, Rob Bowman, Second Elder, Secret Chris Carter Explanatory Monologue Interruptions, Secret Government, Smash your smartphone and burn your "computure", Smilla's Sense of Snow, So we're just redoing the begining of season two?, Special Agent Dana Scully, Special Agent Fox Mulder, Spooky, Stay-Puft Marshmellow Boobs, Stevie Richardson, Stingray, Stop playing with skulls you dirtwater monster, Sunflower Seeds, T.C., Tammy Memories, Teliko, Teliko is a party dude, Teliko Riding on a Bee is clearly a stingray shipper, Tell. Don't Show: The Legacy of Chris Carter, Terry O'Quinn, Texas, That creepo alien umbilical cord was gross, That's your friends coat you asshole! Don't throw it in a gutter, The CDC, The Ghost of Christmas Future, The Lone Gunmen, The Matrix, The Office of Professional Review, The Pretender, There are sooo many things that bees DO pollinate could they pick one of those to use, There's no way for them to be blamed for this, There's only one grain that we make spooky mazes out of, These Plans don't make sense, This Cover-up doesn't make sense, This is bonkers, Tom Braidwood, Trigger Warning: Matt briefly mentions the 9/11 of humans: Jack Black at the 1:59:15 mark, Troll 2, UFO, Ummm... bees don't pollinate corn, Unnecessary Suicides, Vaccine, Well-Manicured Man, What is the deal with the cornfields, Why are the aliens in this movie just scary monsters?, Why would you make a deal with these aliens?, William B. Davis, Words that they use wrong: Clone. Hybrid. Vaccine. Virus., X-Files The Movie: Fight The Future, You want evidence? Here have a bee.

Dan and Mike join us for the season five finale 5×20 “The End” in which a chess-playing telepath from the Philippines is revealed to be the key to ALL of the X-Files. How is this possible? No Clue. I’m SURE we’ll find out in the movie. Check n’ Spender are back in the mix and being completely wasted. Millennium 2×20 “A Room With No View” is horrifically terrifying and amazing.

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Where we know Check n’ Spender deserve better.

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Listen to Episode 5×20 – 1:41:51

Tags: A Room With No View, Acting Chops, Alex Krycek, Alien Astronauts, Anne, Assassin, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Awkward Hug, Back and to the left, Baywatch, Baywatch Nights, Ben, Black-Haired Man, Bletch, Bloodlines, Boyhood, Brad Cupples, Bruce Harwood, Bumblecek, Candy Apple got brand new chompers, Catherine Black, Chad Todhunter, ChaosAtom.com, Check n' Spender, Chess, Chess Handlers, Chris Carter is the devil, Chris Kyle was a goddamn bloodthirsty savage murderer and a racist. The world is better with him no longer in it, Chris Owens, Christopher Kennedy Masterson, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Dan Ginader, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, Detective Bob Giebelhouse, Detective Sandwich, Diana Fowley, Don S. Williams, Don't rub a cigarette wrapper in someone's face you're a fucking adult, Driving Miss Well-Manicured Man, Evil Robin, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Frank Black with devil fighting sunglasses, Fuck American Sniper, Fuck State Sponsored Murderers, Gary Busey, George Murdock, Gibson Praise, Gillian Anderson, Hey kid maybe give a little bit of a heads up before somebody is murdered, Hider in the house, How does killing a telepathic chess champ benefit these guys?, I guess Mulder is going to have to go to the flea market and buy another poster, If other chumps wanted to be on the movie ep they should have sent in Fanfic, introtox, introtox.com, It's YOUR days that are numbered!, jealous Scully is the worst, Jeff Gulka, Jeffrey Spender, Jingle all the way 2, John Fitzgerald Byers, John Neville, Jurassic Park, Lance Henriksen, Landon Bryce, Liar Liar PANTS ON FIRE!, Love is Blue, Lucifer, Lucy Butler, Mariangelo Pina, Martin Ferrero, Megan Gallagher, Melvin Frohike, Michael David, Michael Shamus Wiles, Millennium, Mimi Rogers, Mitch Pileggi, Morley, Mr. Bryce, Nicholas Lea, Oscars, Pendrell, Peter Pan, Peter Watts, Pressors and Pressure, Professor X, Richard Langly, Rob Zombie, Sarah-Jane Redmond, Scientology, Season Finale, Second Elder, shop.chaosatom.com, Silence of the Lambs, Silver Surfer, Skycek, Skyrim Addict Podcast, Stephen James Lang, Stingray, Tammy Ginader, Teliko, Teresa, Terrible FBI agent... Worse Babysitter, Terry O'Quinn, The Chatter Box Podcast, The Dells, The Devil, The End, The kid went Elvis, The Lone Gunmen, The Pretender, The stakes have never been lower, They already know there's an evil syndicate WHAT DO THEY GAIN FROM MAKING A DEAL?, They have never been more tangentially parallel to the truth, This is a terribly designed test of psychic ability, This is the first time Claire has done more editing than Brad would have. TRUST, This kid can hear thoughts AND words... so maybe stop talking shit in front of him, This kid is not from the Philippines, Timothy Webber, Tom Braidwood, Well-Manicured Man, What are these long term plans?, What does this kid prove that a captured Teliko; Toombs; or Flukey doesn't?, Where are this kid's parents, WHERE THE FUCK DID GEORGE DISAPEAR TO?, Whiplash, White Zombie, Why are so many people watching this chess tournament?, Why are you striking a deal with this assassin?, Why does Chris Carter go out of his way to make Scully the worst?, William B. Davis, Worst comeback ever, X-Files, X-Files is being shut down... AGAIN, xfiles, You have to feed prisoners, You're Dead!

A second part of a two-parter that doesn’t completely fall apart? Evangeline joins us for 5×14 “The Red and the Black” There’s a vague ill-defined war going on between alien factions. Scully acts like a real Mulder-dummy and has regression hypnosis before having sense talked into her by Jeffrey Spender, American Hero and future half of the hottest new buddy cop show. Frank uses his Dragon powers to catch sin eater/urban legend dream catcher in Millennium 2×14 “The Pest House”

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Where Jeffrey Spender gets the respect he deserves.

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Listen to Episode 5×14 – 1:58:54

Tags: "I remind myself of a Navajo Story" --The most Chris Carter thing I've ever heard, "Look my Momz is just a dummy cripple. How's she supposed to roll her crippled up wheelchair all the way to Mt Crazy?", "Quiet Willy", Alex Krycek, Alex Shostak Jr, Alien Colonists, Allen Coulter, Black Oil, Brad Cupples, Brian Thompson, Bulletproof, Canada, Cassandra Spender, Catherine Black, Chapelle Jaffe, Check n' Spender, Chris Carter, Chris Owens, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Dana Scully, Darcy Laurie, David Duchovny, Dmitri, Does Scully spend more time being kidnapped or in a hospital bed, Don S. Williams, Dr. Heitz Werber, Dr. Paton, Dr. Stoller, E. Jacob Woodcock, Edward, Evangeline, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, George Murdock, Gillian Anderson, Glen Morgan, Go Fish, How many terrible novels were written in the smoking man cabin, Hypnosis, Hypnotic Orgasms, I gotta sell more paps, implants, introtox, introtox.com, James Wong, Jeffrey Spender, Jim Jansen, John Moore, John Neville, Justin Louis, Kermit the Frog had a much harder time breaking out of a Gulag than Mulder did after he was infected with Alien Black Oil Parasites, Lance Henriksen, Laurie Holden, Marita Cobrakai, Marita Covarrubias, Maybe send your childhood pals a bottle of Scotch or a cheese plate instead of naming boats and dead bodies after them, Megan Gallagher, Melinda McGraw, Melissa Scully, Michael Massee, Miehal Suchanek, Millennium, Mitch Pileggi, MulCek, Mulder is such a dick, Mulder jumped on the back of a truck whilst throwing Scully under a bus, Nicholas Lea, Peter Watts, Prosthetic Arm Mini-Fridge, Purdue, Regression Hypnotherapy is not a thing, Relax your jaw and your pelvis and let's go to the night place... What? RED ALERT! RED ALERT!, Resist or Serve, Russian freighter, Scully Loses, Second Elder, Sin Eater, Some Vampire sends Mulder a mysterious red envelope and he's not gonna be all over it? C'mon Tammy that is ridic, Stop laughing at your friend in the hospital you fucking weirdo, Tammy Ginader, Team Spender, Terry O'Quinn, The Big "S" Trio: Spender. Scully. Stingray., The Bounty Hunter, The Pretender, The Red and the Black, The resistance, The Syndicate, The truth is in you, The Well-Manicured Man, Third Elder, This is how all of Claire's Fan Fictions start, Veronica Cartwright, Walter Skinner, Well-Manicured Man, Whammy Awards, WHY IS HE ADJUSTING HER BED?!?!, Wiekamp Air Force Base, William B. Davis, Willy Ross, Winter Solstice Champions, X-Files, xfiles, Young Jeffrey Spender

DJ Jon Johnny Jon and Matt A join us for 5×13 “Patient X” in which Krycek and Cobrakai get super steamy on a ship. We are all shocked to realize Mulder still doesn’t believe in aliens (just vampires) and Cigarette Smoking Man is still dead. In the super creepy Millennium 2×13 “The Mikado” we go back to a time to when there were only 473 porn sites on the web.

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Where we are the only people that remember that Mulder was infected with the Black Oil.

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Listen to Episode 5×13 – 1:49:49

Tags: "Quiet Willy", 39 hours of porn, A "Great" Russian Acting Community, Alex Krycek, Aliens, All 473 porn sites, Allan Zinyk, Bad News: the pizza is cold Good News: we didn't masturbate without you Jimmy #Worst, Black Oil, Bounty Hunter, Brad Cupples, Brian Roedecker, Brian Thompson, Captain Bachman, Cassandra Spender, Chilly Willy, Chris Carter Monologue, Chris Owens, Cigarette Smoking Man is surprisingly still dead, Claire Laffar, Cobrakai, Colonists, Custom Video Call From Santa, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Deadwood, Don S. Williams, Don't think about those stitched up orifices too much, Duane Barry, Fire in the Sky, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Frank's Dragon Powers Don't Work Online, Gillian Anderson, Gillian Carfra, Global Warming, Greg Michaels, Heitz Werber, HoopleCast, I Only Have Eyes For You, introtox, introtox.com, Jeffrey Spender, Jim Jansen, John Moore, John Neville, Krycek, Lance Henriksen, Laurie Holden, Marita Cobrakai, Marita Covarrubias, Massachusetts Institute Visiting Lecturers Program, Melty Face Men, Millennium, Miscalculating a pretend, Movie Contest, Mulder still doesn't believe in aliens (just vampires), Nicholas Lea, Not Mustache Man, Patient X, Peeping Teliko, Peter Watts, Robot Arm, Stay out of the forest, Tammy Ginader, Teliko, Terry O'Quinn, The Mikado, The old-fashioned-extra-steamy-steam-ship-double-cross, The Plan, The Pretender, The Web Girl, There are so many things to be afraid of, Third Elder, UFO, Unforgotten, Veronica Cartwright, Well-Manicured Man, Why are these teenage boys watching porn together, Willy Ross, Worst Skeptic Ever, X-Files, xfiles

Thrill! At the easiest escape from a minimum security gulag/day spa ever imagined! Gasp! As Mulder avoids all danger and conflict through a patchwork of plotholes and ridiculous convenience! Weep! For the brave American horse framed for a series of murders he did not commit! Des joins us for “Terma”. Four seasons in and the two-part mythology episodes still make no sense whatsoever.

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Where David Duchovny is the one who should be held in contempt.

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Listen to Episode 4×09 – 2:05:47

Tags: 1x09 Wide Open, A really questionable accent, Agent Emma Hollis, Alex Krycek, Amputation, Angie, Arm chopping with a super dull knife, Arntzen, Assistant Director Andy McClaren, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Auntie Janet, Baywatch Nights, Bill Smitrovich, Black Cancer, Brenda McDonald, Brent Stait, Bringing Mulder to court is like inviting your racist uncle to dinner, Brittany Tiplady, Campbell Lane, Catherine Black, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire is fighting a hurricane, Committee Chairman, Convenience kills more people in this show than that horse was framed for, Creeper in a closet, Crossing Guard Monster, David Duchovny, Desiree Bingham, Det. Bob Giebelhouse, Det. Bob KimmyGibblerHouse Stephen E. Miller, Detective Sandwich, Doctor Mindbender, Doctor Who, Dr. Bonita Charne-Sayre, Dr. Kingsley Looker, Dr. Sacks, Dumbest thing Mulder has ever said., Eileen Pedde, Frank Black, Fritz Weaver, Fuck Netflix, George, Gillian Anderson, Grill that orphan, Hey asshole you're a cop you have to call the paramedics you don't get to kill people, Horse patsy, How did a horse get into this lab?, How did Jordan, I dare you to make sense of this plot, I would rather eat black oil than take apple slices from an old man at a bus stop, Illegally download these eps, Jan Rubes, Jessica Schreier, John Neville, Jordan Black, Klea Scott, Lamest Escape Ever, Lance Henriksen, Leave that Horse alone!, Lt. Bob 'Bletch' Bletcher, Malcolm Stewart, Maybe you should ask what the dress code, Megan Gallagher, Mitch Pileggi, Mullet Militia, Nicholas Lea, No time for sexual tension, Nonsensical Julius Caesar Quotes, Nurse, Pamela MacDonald, Pennywise, Peter Watts, Plastic Hand, Prisoner, Robin Mossley, Russia -->D.C.-->FL-->NY-->Canada-->D.C., Scully's Conjugal Visit from the Stingray, Senator Albert Sorenson, Shitiest Plan Ever, Skinner is so embarrassed, So wait Alexander Krycek isn't his actual Russian Name? Bonkers, So why does the oil have to be destroyed in an explosion at an oil refinery?, Space Spores, Special Agent Dana Scully, Special Agent Fox Mulder, Stefan Arngrim, Stephen J. Lang, STOP CALLING SENATORS CONGRESSMEN, Talk to the kid, Terma, Terry Edward Mayhew, Terry O'Quinn, The only truck in Russia, The Well-Manicured Man, This black oil doesn't seem so hard to destroy anymore, This episode deserves a chart or 50 to be made, This is sooo dumb, Use the other arm dummies, Various Viruses, Vassily Peskow, Vinnie the Vodoo Dog, Why exactly should this Senate Select Committee be held in contempt of Congress? Mulder hides in a pile of leaves, Why not just use the other arm?, Why the fuck did he purposefully drive off a cliff?, Why the hell did Krycek tip off Mulder, Why would you want to commit suicide less after two weeks in a Russian gulag, William B. Davis, You need the subtitles for this ep, You'd think if people actually gave a fuck about the elderly they would bother to see them as individuals worth of remembering

Trigger Warning for mentions of Beavis and Butthead: Will joins us to discuss “Tunguska” Krycek is back and bruised (repeatedly) and everybody wants to bang it out. Seriously. Everybody. Millennium presents a really really good episode of Law and Order Special Victims Unit with all the incest.

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Where Pendrell and Krycek are honored and never abused.

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Listen to Episode 4×08 – 1:45:38

Tags: "You better find out." P.S. get me this address stat little lady, 1908, A lot of things are happening. I'm not sure I fully understand why, A not crappy mythology episode?!?, A really good episode of Millennium that was not really an episode of Millennium... Not that we have any idea what an episode of Millennium looks like, Adorable Gillian Anderson SWAT outfits, Agent Pendrell, Alex Krycek, All the sexual tension. All of it, Angry old extra, Babylon 5, Bambi?, Baywatch Nights, Bevis and Butthead get far far too much discussion in this ep, boom boom, Brad Cupples, Brendan Beiser, Brent Stait, Campbell Lane, chicken wire, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Cobrakai Sexytime Hypnotist, cockroach stew, Committee Chairman, Dana Scully, David Bloom, David Duchovny, Did you bring the Stingray his money bitch? Stingray doesn't like it when bitches forget to pay, Diplomatic Courier, Do not leave Jordan with that neighbor!, Don't put Pendrell in danger, Down Below, Dr. Bambi Berenbaum, Dr. Bonita Sayre, Drunk Badge: P.D.U.I. --This fall on FOX, Everyone has lost their magic powers, Fox Mulder, Fuck the T.S.A., FUCK YOU ROBIN. YOU ARE DENOUNCED AND REJECTED FOR THIS CLIP! DENOUNCED AND REJECTED! #WORST, Ghost attack, Gillian Anderson, gulag, Handcuff shenanz, hazmat suit, Herda Hada Domestic Terrorists, Honolulu International Airport, Hordak, How much would it suck to be a plumber at the Russian alien pipework sprinkler gulag, I could have sworn this dude was in the House. Apparently he's a Senator... but they keep calling him Congressman. What is the deal?, I got a rock, I love this country... and you. Let's expose this truth... and each other, I want a flashback to Krycek and the Mullet Militia, Incest Fam, infected, Intro to Brisco, introtox, introtox.com, It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, Jan Rubes, Jessica Schreier, John Neville, Kim Mannerisms, Kim Manners met Chris Carter at a lame-ass event for surfing magazine enthusiasts, Knocking people over for kicks, Krycek is human punching bag, Krycek: Proffessional Backstabbing Fool, Laurie Holden, Lee Serpa, Life Advice: Be happy investigating the alien life you have instead of investigating the alien life that might be in a Russian gulag, Marita Cobrakai, Marita Covarrubias, Maybe invest in level 5 containment suits, Millennium SVU, Mitch Pileggi, Mythology, Nicholas Lea, Night Whispers, Old timey black oil, One generation from a full peacock scenario, People standing up are usually not dead, Planet of the Apes, prison, Random acts of unnecesary violence, Ratboy, razor wire, Representative Senator Congressman Sorenson, Rich White Girls, right-wing extremists, Robin Burdge, rock, Russia, Sexytime Getaway, Shhh be quiet. Act like a table, Shirtless Stingray, Siberia, Sideways Badge Cop, Stefan Arngrim, Stingray is now running a brothel, Stop calling this guy congressman he's a Senator... This will only piss him off and theoretically your career depends on this, Stress Man, Stupid Haircut?... yo kettle you best check in the mirror before that pot leaves you for dead in a, Swarthy Man, Tammy Ginader, That giant squashed down nose took up multiple televisions, The Cigarette Smoking Chump, The family tree with the least forks ever, The Prisoner, The Romney Dream, The Well-Manicured Man, They pretty much wrote this ep for Claire, Thor and Loki, Timothy Mayhew, Tunguska, Vassily Peskow, Vinnie the Voodoo dog, Walter Skinner, Well Manicured Horse Farm, Why is he asleep?, William B. Davis, X-Files, xfiles, You called me a bad name, You can't be forced to let someone rummage through your belongings, You think they would be a little more paranoid about core samples possibly from the Antarctic

Paul Maki is here, along with some other interlopers, to help us uncover the secret of the ooze 8 levels underground as we discuss apocrypha. Scully and Stingray’s secret liaisons are further illuminated, Krycek vomits up his oily alien buddy, and we realize that this entire series is predicated on a series of bumbling lackeys.

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Where no one burries their dead alive.

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Listen to Episode 3×16 – 2:24:14

Tags: 1013, Agent Caleca, Agent Fuller, Agent Pendrell, Alex Krycek, Apocrypha, Barry W. Levy, Bebop, Black Oil, Brad Cupples, Brendan Beiser, Bruce Harwood, Burying your dead alive is not a good idea, Capt. Kyle Sanford, Chris Carter, Chris Hansen, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Craig Warkentin, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, David Kaye, Dean Haglund, Deep Throat, Dmitry Chepovetsky, Don S. Williams, Donatello, Elders, Eric Breker, Fox Mulder, Frances Flanagan, Frank Spotnitz, Ghostlight Podcast, Giant Red Door, Gillian Anderson, Harrison Coe, Intro to Brisco, introtox, introtox.com, Jeff Chivers, John Fitzgerald Byers, John Neville, Kevin McNulty, Kim Manners, Krang, Lenno Britos, Leonardo, LokiCast with Tammy and Brad, Luis Cardinal, Major Domo, Martin Evans, Matt Humphrey, Maybe have your go to assassin not be the lamest, Mélanie Richard, Melissa Scully, Melvin Frohike, Michael Bublé, Michelangelo, Mitch Pileggi, Mythology, Navy Doctor, Nicholas Lea, Oilcek, P-51 mustang, Paul Maki, Peter Scoular, Piper Maru, radiation burns, Raphael, Richard 'Ringo' Langly, Richard Hersley, Robin Burdge, Rocksteady, Scully does machines (That's a fact Jack!), Shredder, Skinner is cool but crude (Gimme a break!), Skinner needs a shirt not a cane, Slycek, Splinter, Stanley Walsh, Stingray, Suleka Mathew, Tammy Ginader, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The lamest of the FBI, The Lone Child Predators, The Lone Gunmen, The Punk Frogs, The Well-Manicured Man, This does not make sense, Tom Braidwood, Tony Stark, Wacky lackeys, Wait... leaving the podcast for tacos is an option? WHY WAS I NOT TOLD THIS! #Outrage #IDemandTacoEscapes, Walter Skinner, When the Cigarette Man attacks these special agents cut him no slack, William B. Davis, X-Files, xfiles, Young Cigarette Smoking Man

Things are bonkers as Nazis, bumbling assassins, scurrying aliens, and everyone’s favorite sleepytime Navajo Albert get up in the mix for ‘Paper Clip’ Dave returns to try and make sense of it all as we stumble through a dark and smokey room. Will Claire be able to decide to vouchsafe for Team Skinner or Team Krycek?

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We will vouchsafe for you all.

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Listen to Episode 3×02 – 1:53:11

Tags: Acting Chops, Albert Hosteen, Alex Krycek, Alien bus stop, American Horrorcast, Any random yokel can kidnap Scully but proffesional assasins can't come anywhere near killing her, Baywatch Nights Warehouse, Bravehearts, British Columbia Museum of Mining, Bruce Harwood, Buffalo Powered Mulder, bumbling assassins, Change your clothes you repulse monster, Chris Carter, Cigarette Smoking Man, Cigarette Smoking Man has all the acting chops, Claire's colon update, Comic Sans, convenient flashligh drops, Creepiest Mother/Son conversation outside of American Horror Story, Dana Scully, DAT tape, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, Don S. Williams, Don't fuck a buffalo, DVM Podcast Empire, Elder #1, Filing Cabinet-a-palooza, Flippy Floppy Hair-cek, Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman, Fox IS Samantha, Fox Mulder, Frohike is the worst, Gillian Anderson, Glass ceiling, Going Rouge-cek, Goodbye Crystal Choker!, Greaser-cek, Hipocrite with a choker, If they actually have this kind of information against the gov't things are gonna start looking pretty damn good on the Rez, If you can't print or copy from A TAPE... you are doing technology wrong, It takes 3 bitches to take down an Assistant Director, Jeff Goldblum is Claire's BFF, John Fitzgerald Byers, John Neville, Manilow, Manimoo, Margaret Scully, Mel needs more secure filing cabinets, Melinda McGraw, Melissa Scully, Melvin Frohike, Mitch Pileggi, Mrs. Teena Mulder, Mulder is the fulfilment of Navajo Prophecy and that's not racist, Napier's Constant, Native Americans are not wizards, Nazis, Nicholas Lea, One Draft Carter says "eh good enough", Pull the plug, Queen of Spoilers, Real Genius, Rebecca Toolan, Richard 'Ringo' Langly, Rob Bowman, Scully would rather call an 85yr old Navajo Code Talker to stay with her dying sister than anyone in her family, Scully's lame-o daddy issues, scurrying aliens, Sheila Larken, Skinner vs Krycek, sleepytime Navajo Albert, Smoking Man lives in Skinner's closet, Sophie's choice for Claire, The Lone Gunmen, The Well-Manicured Man, The Wolverine, There's a new man in Skinner's Closet and he knows DAT tape, This is why they call it the X-Files, Tom Braidwood, Tony Stark, Victor Klemper, Vouchsafe, Walking Dead Podcast, Walter Gotell, Walter Skinner, West-Side-Story-cek, What does the Monday at work look like after your boss steals your child?, When you are a jet you're a jet all the way, White Buffalo, Why would you make alien human hybrids, Why would you need to be able to identify bodies after a doomsday apocylpse?, William B. Davis

Welcome to the third season, where things are just as ridiculous as ever. Dave joins us as we learn why your health insurance doesn’t cover trips to the rez for medical treatment. Scully is being molested left and right and it is not appropriate. We celebrate the rambling return of dream Deep Throat and Melissa (as well as her shitty crystal choker) gets what she deserves.

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Where you won’t be arbitrarily charged for insubordination.

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Listen to Episode 3×01 – 1:28:36

Tags: A hut is not a hospital, Albert Hosteen, Alex Krycek William B. Davis, Alf Humphreys, America, Baron Munchausen, Before 9/11 metal detectors were 98% imaginary, Brad Cupples, Brad is the Giles Corey of watching X-Files, Bravehearts fighting for the rights of all the dreamers, Chris Carter, Chris Carter's Empire Strikes Back, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Creepy Ghost Alien Rescue Squad, Criss-Cross Applesauce, Crystal Sister, Dakota House, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Deep Throat, DIE MELISSA DIE!, Don't trust the white dudes, Douchecopter, Dr. Pomerantz, Dream chattin', dvmpe.com, eh I'll try and flag you down from my car while I flee my death, Elaborate Faux Shakespeare Monologues, Eric Hosteen, Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman, Fox Mulder, Freddy Kruger Mulder, FUCK THAT BITCH AND HER CRYSTAL CHOKER, ghost aliens, Ghost Mulder, Gillian Anderson, Grandpa Joe, gross cigarette dude from Fearful Symmetry, Hey dummies... you control all the secret info and can't work out a light switch?, holotropic breath work, If someone tells you not to shower for your health punch them in their goddamn filthy fucking face, Inappropriate funeral tactics, introtox, introtox.com, Jerry Hardin, Jerry Hardin has no clue what the block of nonsense means, John Neville, Jonny-Come-Lately Feedback, Laying someone in a salad is not medical treatment, leading questions from a fake doctor, Major Briggs, Margaret Scully, Melinda McGraw, Melissa needs to visit a fashion therapist to see what is wrong with her, Melissa Scully, Melvin Frohike, Michael David Simms, Mitch Pileggi, Molestation Files, Monsters, Mormon Conspiracies, Native American Style, Nicholas Lea, Ninja Mimes, One Two Mulder's monotone is ewww Three Four get ready to snore Five Six he's touching his sister's pics Seven Eight tape up an 'X' and wait, P.S. Your choker sucks too, Peter Donat, Professor X, Put your fucking shoes on Scully, R.W. Goodwin, Regression therapy is not a thing, Robin Burdge, Season Three, Senior Agent, Shawshank Abduction, Sheila Larken, Shit's tough in the FP, Singing and incense are not the same thing as an IV, Smokey lives in Skinner's closet, Stop molesting Scully, STOP! Your unprovoked touching and sexual harassment is not wanted or appreciated, Tammy Ginader, The Blessing Way, The Elders, The Mulder family was so poor they had to share their only acting chop each night... this taught them to get by on less for the rest of their lives, The Native American Four Days of Awful Plan is Frohike approved, The Well-Manicured Man, The worst photoshop ever, The Zzzzzzz Files, Tom Braidwood, Twin Peaks, Uncomfortable Admissions with Robin, Walter Skinner, What is she being charged being insubordination of?, what's your problem with buzzards? They're just trying to get by in a tough world, wikifeet.com, William Mulder, X-Files, xfiles, Yo Albert, Your Father should be ashamed you barefooted monster