Jason Abels joins us to discuss 4×12 (or 4×13) “Never Again” Mulder is going on vacation! Unfortunately he’s still going to be a huge douche. Scully’s daddy issues rear their ugly head again and she meets a guy with a homicidal tattoo voiced by Jodie Foster. It’s bonkers. Millennium 1×12 “Loin Like a Hunting Flame” treats us to a moustache party and a solid indictment of abstinence until marriage.

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Where you you are allowed to have sex and/or a desk even if you don’t have a penis.

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Listen to Episode 4×12 – 2:25:17

Tags: Adam and Eve, All the moustaches, All the red flags, appeasing the whims of David Duchovny is always awkward, Are you a failure, Art Nesbitt, Awful Tattoos, B.J. Harrison, Barbara Howard, Baywatch Nights, Betty, Bill Bixby, Bill Croft, Brad Cupples, Brittany Tiplady, Catherine Black, Chris Carter, Chris Carter's gross sexism is the worst, Claire Laffar, Comrade Svo, Contact, Cryo-Cord, Cyberseek, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Detective Gouveia, Detective Smith, Detective Thomas, Do not marry someone you have not had sex with., Ed Jerse, Entertainment Weekly, ergot, Eve, Even Steph is overwhelmed by the amount of lampshades that have been hung to and fro in this ep, Excited, fbi.lab.rl.fns.gov/forensics, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Fuller & Siegel, Gillian Anderson, Glen Morgan is a craven psychopath, Glengarry Glen Ross, Glowsticks, Graceland, hallucinations, Hannah, Harriet Sansom Harris, Hell Money, Hey Doctor Scully? You've seen this dude's awful constantly bleeding tat... why are you going to the same gross tattoo parlour?, Hey Scully don't touch somebody else's computer that is not ok, Hrothgar Mathews, Ian Robison, Igor Morozov, Infosuck, introtox, introtox.com, Is it harder to recognize Jodie Foster's voice or her appearance in the office?, IT, Jan Bailey Mattia, Jason Abels, Jay Donahue, Jillian Fargey, Jingle Editing Fail, Jodie Foster, Jordan Black, Karen Nesbitt, Kaye Schilling, kooky music, Lance Henriksen, Lion Like a Hunting Flame, Loin Like a Hunting Flame, Magella, Mathew McConaughey, Maureen Murphy, Maybe consider writing a second draft or even a third, Megan Gallagher, Memphis TN, Millennium, Morgan and Wong are outskies, Ms. Hadden, Mulder is a dick, Mulder with Extra concentrated douchebaggery, Never Again, Never again indeed, Ouroboros, Peter Watts, Possessed, Rave, Robin Burdge, Robin cut at least 45 seconds of him trying to pronounce Drakkar Noir. It was hillarious, Robin has the tattoo equivalent Snapple and Fruitopia bottles, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Rodney Rowland, rye grass, S&M, Scully's Daddy Issues, Sexism, shifty tattoos, So when Mulder's gone does she get his desk or does it pass to the next available human with a penis?, Spooky Beach Afternoons, Still waiting for Lance Henriksen to turn into a dragon OR his daughter to be kidnapped/murdered, Superman is a dick, Tammy Ginader, Tammy Memories, tattoo, Terry O'Quinn, The After, The amazing joke that could have been, The Elvis Files, The Magician, The only thing worse than the complaints of the X-Files fans is when they cater to the complaints of the fans, The Partridge Family, This Is Wrong: The Outlandish Undertakings of Teddy Ruxpin as Discussed by Werner Herzog & Friends, This Russian plot is Everyone gets the tattoo they deserve, tramp stamp, Trust No Man... Tom Noman, Ughhh tattoos are the worst, Vietnam, Voice of Betty, Vsevlod Pudovkin, wacky old man running in the park, We will never see this tattoo again, Werner Herzog, When the members of the anti-blood transfusion failed doomsday cult are less crazy than the guy they are annoying with their Jeezo nonsense you've got a bad situation, William Lucking, X-Files, X-Files Trivia, xfiles, Yahoots

Watch out there’s Were-Goyles running amok… or something. We have no clue what the hell is going on but it’s full of shenanigans. Zoe helps us decipher “Grotesque” in which Mulder and his former lover fight over investigation vs reading about gargoyles whilst going insane.

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Where Were-Ghost-Cats and Were-Goyles are always welcome.

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Listen to Episode 3×14 – 1:32:12

Tags: Agent Bill Patterson, Agent Nemhauser, Agent Sheherlis, Bonkers, Brad Cupples, Chelsea Smile, Chester Bonaparte, Chris Carter, Chris Carter Monologues, Claire Laffar, Clarence Boddicker, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Fair Haired boy, Fox Mulder, Gargoyles, Ghost Were-Cat, Ghosts, Gillian Anderson, Green goblin, Greg Thirloway, Grotesque, Hello... is it me you're looking for?, How is Mulder not in jail?, Howard Gordon, introtox, introtox.com, Is Robin making a joke or just saying random words?, IT, John Mostow, Kasper Michaels, Kim Manners, Knees dirtying, Kurtwood Smith, Levan Uchaneyshvili, Licking the Greasy Floor of Hell, Lionel Richie, little teenser flashlight, Mean-Spirited? OOOH SICK BURN! FACED! SCRATCH MODED!, Millennium, Mitch Pileggi, Model, Mulder is a dick, Pennywise, redwop: for when you have more time than social skills, Robin Burdge, Robin is still workshopping a joke about being caught "Red-Foreman" Handed just-in-case, Robocop, Sadsack Model, Sooo after 3 days of reading about gargoyles Mulder goes crazy wheras it took Patterson years... maybe hold off on being such a bitch, Stealing evidence, Stingray, STOP TOUCHING MOUTHS YOU GODDAMN WEIRDO!, Susan Bain, Sweaty Eyes-McGee, Tammy Ginader, That 70's Show, The most polite FBI task-force ever, Unchained melody, Walter Skinner, Were the hell does all that light come from/go, Were-Goyles, Why doesn't Mulder understand metaphors, X-Files, xfiles, Yeah because Mulder has never been overly obsessed with an investigation, Young Agent, Zatanna, Zoe Burgess, Zoran Vukelic

Will pops by to discuss ‘Excelsis Dei’ as we ask the immortal question:
If there’s somethin’ strange in your old folks home
Who ya gonna call?
A somewhat indifferent-to the plight of rape victims FBI profiler and an ill-defined doctor of forensic pathology/whatever is convenient!
I ain’t afraid o’ rape ghosts.

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Where the only spirit is Tammy… or booze.

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Listen to Episode 2×11 – 1:45:18

Tags: Alzheimer's Disease, Are the pills poisoning them or are they being ghost choked, Awakenings, Best Voicemail ever, Bird Suicide, Blatant Racism, Boxing is gross, Brad Cupples, Brad is the brain, Can we take the questioning away from the murder site, Claire is the heart... and has a helper monkey, Claire Laffar, Cocoon, crunched numbers, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, David Fresco, Dorothy, Dr. John Grago, Duane Barry Look-A-Likes, ED, Eddie Kasperek's Moms, Eric Christmas, Ernie Prentice, Excelsis Dei, Flying down the hall spreading amore, Four people working 24hr shifts, Fox Mulder, Frances Bay, Fungus = Bad, Getting rodgered by a ghost, Gillian Anderson, Gung Bituen, Hal Arden, Harold and Maude, Hellcats, hmmm this seems asian-y DO YOU HAVE AN ASIAN ORDERLY?, I brought pops here to die but the sonofabitch wouldn't take the hint, I denounce and reject Mel for her statements regarding rape, introtox, introtox.com, IT, Jerry Tiernan, Jerry Wasserman, Johnny Cuthbert, Johnny Depp is an old man, Just try and tell the olds there isn't a working elevator. TRY IT!, Laura Kelly, Leo Kreutzer, Let them watch the gross human fighting sport game they are adults, longklaw, Mecha-Shiva Mecha-Shiva!, Michelle Charters, Mrs. Dawson, Mrs. Tremond, Mulder has horrific snuff porn, Mulder's Majick Geanie Deal, Naturalistic Fallacies AND Racism... cool beans., Naturalistic Fallacies AND Racism... cool beans.Cocoon, Olds, Paul Jarrett, Porky's, Queen Bitch, Rape Ghost, Robin Burdge, Robin is the body, Sab Shimono, Scully makes the craziest burgers ever., Separation of Church and State, Sexist Ghosts, She was clearly raped. Why is everyone ignoring that?, Sheila Moore, Skink?, Sloppy Ghost Protocols, Sloppy Writing, Smallville, Splat, spooky ghosts, Stan Phillips, Stop terrorizing dementia patients bitch, Tammy Ginader, Tammy is The Spirit, Tasha Simms, Teryl Rothery, The Air-tight bathroom, The Ghost of Don Draper's Future, The strongest door, Unnecessary Ambulance use, Upshaw, What is a spirit?, What the hell do these ghosts want?, Why do your “Makes-Old-People_Better” Pills also happen to be your “Connets-The-Living-To-The-Magic-Spirit-Doorway” Pill, Why is she suing the government, Wilford Brimley, Will Johnson, X-Files, xfiles, Young Blades

After surviving the first season of X-files we decided to take a look at the Clown behind it all and watch Stephen King’s “IT”. A film based on an equally insane novel. Join us in our celebration of Pennywise and find out who is more easily frightened Robin or a 7yr old girl.

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We all float down here!

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Listen to Bonus Episode “IT” – 2:12:12

Tags: "The Master of Horror unleashes everything you were ever afraid of", 1980's Stand Up Comedy is an unrelenting coke party panic attack of awful, 60's johnny-come-lately greasers, A Dead Belch Under his Bed, Adam Faraizl, All the Jonathan Brandis Facts, Annette O'Toole, Apparently Annette O'Toole is not related to Peter O'Toole... I denounce and reject myself, AWFUL Steven King Analog with a ponytail, Baywatch Nights Warehouse, Beat it!, Beep Beep, Belch, Ben Hanscom, Ben Heller, Bev is dressed like an old woman's couch, Bev shares her pizza and everybody is gettin' a slice, Beverly Marsh, Beverly's Lovely-Clothes-That-She-Makes Inc, BIG, Bike ride of doom, Bill Denbrough, Bill's cab driver was Prof. Varnes from Lazarus, Black Lodge Tea, Brad Cupples, Brandon Crane, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charlie the dick ghost, Childhood Trauma, Children banging it out in the sewer because they got lost, Children closely follow Gilbert Gottfried's career, Chinese Restaurant of mildly shocking puppet cookie terrors, Chuck Norris, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire defeated Pennywise in a matrix dreamscape, Claire is a fake Brit because she doesn't drink tea, Claire is a sociopath, Claire Laffar, Clearly Eddie is banging Joey, Conquering fear via video tape immersion therapy, Creep-Cray, Deadlights, Dean Koontz, Dennis Christopher, Dialogue... eh, Dreamcatcher, Eddie is Andy Dick, Eddie Kaspbrak, Emily Perkins, Female Hysteria, Fuck Robin Williams, Fucking your way out of a sewer, Gargoyle's Dance, Giant Headed Pharmacist, giant open showers are the grossest, Ginger Snaps, Giving a cuddle to Pennywise, Greco, Greg Kinear look-a-like, Hand on Face is acting, Harry Anderson, He should brush his teeth, Henry Bowers, Henry should have been played by Ray Wise, How do you get contact info before the internet, I was a teenage werewolf, I WILL BREAK YOU KING. I WILL BREAK YOU, If you say it fast enough maybe no one will notice how bad the lines are, Insanely dangerous homicidal gangs of murderous street toughs, introtox, IT, It's entirely possible that Josie is Pennywise, It's hurricane season in the library and there's a cold front coming in from the Autobiography section, Jay Brazeau, John Ritter, John Ritter has the best apartment ever!, Jonathan Brandis, Josie is a badass, Kiss Commentary with Josie, M&M's are the sure-fire Asthma cure, Magic Space Turtle vs Magic Space Spider, Magical Negro, Marlon Taylor, Mike Hanlon, Mike Hanlon is super suspicious, Mike is stuck in Derry Scrap-booking, Monkey Shines, Never talk to sewer clowns, Oh no... not a cross-eyed spider with teense weense T-rex arms... Master of Horror Indeed, Oz, Pennywise, Pennywise the Clown, Pennywise the Dancing Clown Claymation Christmas, Pennywise the dancing Rottweiler, Perfect Strangers, Pom Pom Terror, Pulling off an arm like a wing off a fly, Richard Masur, Richard Thomas, Richie is the purest distillation of Stephen King's dialogue, Richie Tozier, Robin Burdge, Robin is a scaredy-cat, Robin is the Richie of the podcast, Scary Balloons, Seth Green, Stan is the worst dressed, Stan is the worst token skeptic, Stand By Me, Stanley Uris, Stephen King, Stephen King's IT, Stuttering, Swamp Skeleton, Sweet sweet podcast dollar$, T.U.R.T.L.E. POWER!, Tammy Ginader, That library balloon scene freaked me out at 7, The big 'C', THE BREAKING THE DAMN SCENE IS RIDIC, The Fly II, The Glowing, The music is never not overbearing, The Never-Ending Story, The ritual of chud, The Smile, The Stephen King Cliches Tarot Deck, The Stephen King Drinking Game, The Turtle can't help us now, The wacky werewolf hands backing off, They ALL float down here. When you're down here with us, This is battery acid. Now, this looks nothing like a hospital, This spider is bonkers, Tim Curry, Tim Reid, TV's Frank from MST3k as old Henry Bowers, Ummm what the hell is this bike montage, ummm why is crazy old Keene even there?, Ummmm this is CLEARLY not a hospital, Wait that's not Beau Bridges?, Wait... are love haiku's a thing?, water babies vs tree monkeys, When people are dying they generally refrain from doing somersaults, Why does it hate? Why is it so mean?, why try?, William B. Davis, Worst Montages ever, Would you like to see my clown etchings?, Yo John-Boy take some of that sweet sweet Walton's money and get that mole removed, You bet your fur, you disappear!, You don't share inhalers, you'll float too! Rehabilitated Clowns, Your hair is Winter Fire. January Embers. My heart burns there too

Moira joins us in our bile nest of fun as we watch a super creepy episode. The Female Bashing Investigative Agency is in high form in this episode as Scully is torn between douchebags and Old Spooky, who has got some perfectly reasonable ideas about 100 yr old liver eating stretch-armstrong mutants. There’s an insanely weird half formed plot involving a wistful old cop. Warning! At the 17:08 mark Claire breaks all the rules of proper podcasting by making a comment about someones dress, we completely understand if you find yourself unable to listen to this part and need to file a formal list of grievances with the podcast union.

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It’s the coziest bile-nest on the net!

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Listen to Episode 1×03 – 1:16:08

Tags: Baths and Showers, Bile and Newspaper Nest, Blade Hands, Blatant Sexism, Brad Cupples, Child Marriage, Claire Laffar, Comments about dresses, Cranky old man Tooms just wants to go to bed, David Duchovny, Diminishing the holocaust, Doug Hutchison might be creepier than Tooms, Eugene Victor Tooms, Family Call-in Block, Getting Bitch-Slapped by Exposition, Gillian Anderson, Gollum, handsy neckless grabs, I was a Douchebag for the FBI!, Inability to communicate thwarts the FBI, IT, John's Future, Lamest Nickname Ever, Locke and Horace sitting in a tree, Look behind the matress dum dums, look up... look around... look behind you, Moira Browne, Mulder is a weirdo nerdlinger, Mutants need to make better Investments, My precious, Ninja Turtles is not an x-file, Opening Credits Flying Man, Pennywise, Polygraphs are wack, Robin Burdge, Scully bra watch, Secret Stretchy FBI Fingerprint Tech, Sleepsloth, Spooky, Spooky seedpod or Extra-Terestrial Testicle?, Squeeze, Stretch and grow, Stretch Armstrong, Sunflower seeds are gross, Tammy Ginader, THE CONSEQUENCES OF ETHNIC CLEANSING, The monster of Genocide, The oldest cop, The X-Files, There are no arbitrary language restriction on this podcast... as long as I live, Tom is the worst, Twin Peaks, unjustifiable LEAPS in logic, Weird Actor produced fan fiction, Wild controversial dress discussion