Episode 6×11 – Two Fathers
April 29th, 2015
Alirio and Heidi join us for 6×11 “Two Fathers”. It’s the mythology episode Claire has been begging for! Thrill at the minutes of valuable screen time devoted to an unnecessary exposition monologue! Marvel at the most racially uncomfortable writing sense the last time Chris Carter dared to have a black person in one of his scripts! Rage at the injustices heaped upon Jeff Spender: Champion of the Taxpayer! Agonize over the puzzle of why this episode is called “Two Fathers”. In Millennium 3×08 “Human Essence” Hollis has to clear her name and rescue her illegitimate junkie half-sister from a terrible plot.
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Where words have meanings.
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Listen to Episode 6×11 – 1:56:59
Tags: "I'm ready to J-O-B just not on some jagoff shoeshine tip", "Yo Homestyle cough up the rock", A case of the yips, Agent Diana Fowley, Agent Emma Hollis, Al Ruscio, Alex Krycek, Aliens, Alirio Ferreira, Angie WATCH YOUR BACK. #RougeCop #SeeSomethingSaySomething, Arson, Assistant Director Andy McClaren, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Bad Girls, Basketball, Basketball Player, Basketball Sweaters, Brad Cupples, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bullfrog Andy is like a less interesting Boss Hogg, Canada, Candy-Apple, Candygram, Cassandra is the worst, Cassandra Spender, CastleCast, Check n' Spender, Chester George Barnabus Spender, China, Chris Carter, Chris Carter Monologues, Chris Owens, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Conspiracy, Damon P. Saleem, David Duchovny, Department of Justice, Don S. Williams, Don't taste white powder found in envelopes, Dr. Eugene Openshaw, Et tu Stingray?, Exposition George, FBI Agent, Fifth Elder, Fight The Future, Fight. Fight. Fight the Future, First Elder, Flukie - Gold Medal Olympian, Fourth Elder, Frank Black Klea Scott, Frank Ertl, Frank Spotnitz, Frank turns into a dragon to escape an exploding building, George Murdock, Gillian Anderson, Greg Evigan, Heidi Jenkins, Heroin, Hey Hollis? why are you cloaking out?, Hey transcript writers... are you OK?, Hollis is the worst, How did you get your clothes?, How is Diana still awake?, Human Essence, Humanzees, I'm pretty sure Chris Carter's version of "The Godfather" is closer to Corky Romano, In what way do they look like monsters?, introtox, introtox.com, Jeff Spender: American Hero and Champion of the Taxpayer, Jeffrey Spender, Kersh, Kill Switch, Kim Manners, Lance Henriksen, LEAVE SPENDER ALONE, Milk, Millennium, Mimi Rogers, Mitch Pileggi, Monsters, Mr. Ho, Mulder and Scully might have gotten fired... AGAIN, Mulder is NOT a special snowflake, My Two Dads, Mythology, Nicholas Lea, Nick Tate, Nopenheimer, Nopenshaw, Paul Reiser, Paul Reiser and the other guy, Peter Outerbridge, Pizza Guy, Pool, PotentialCast, Powerpoint, Previously on, Racism, Relax your jaw and your pelvis, Samaria Graham, Scully's Short Skirt, Second Elder, Sexy Lego Robot Guard, So... you don't have evidence then..., Soooo apparently Krycek and Spender are immune to the extremely toxic alien blood, Special Agent Barry Baldwin Stephen E. Miller, Spender > Luke Skywalker, Stephen Chang, Stop being a dick to Spender, Stop smoking IN THE HOSPITAL, Take him to his damn mother already, Tammy Ginader, Tamra Caffrey, That is not what hybrid means, The cliffhanger of this episode rests on if you think Mulder might murder an innocent defenseless old woman, The Iron Sheik, The Pretender, The Proffessor SAT DOWN!, The Truth Out There, The X-Files, They had cleaned up the mythology and then they jump full force into all the awful garbage mythology, This doesn't make sense at all, This episode is brought you by hotmail: for when you don't really need your mail, Those faces rip off very easily, Trust no one, Two Fathers, Valerie Pettiford, Veronica Cartwright, Who are the two fathers?, Why aren't we working with the Rebels?, Why is everybody treating Spender like crap?, Why is Mulder hiding?, Why would shapeshifters need to mutilate their orifices, William B. Davis, X-Files, xfiles, You should not use the same nickname for your girlfriend as your sister. That is weird.
Episode 6×01 – The Beginning
February 18th, 2015
It’s time for a new season and 6×01 “The Beginning” in which somehow they have finally decided to have some actual continuity on the show. The world champion chess master of the Philippines is back and he’s hunting down hiders in the reactor. We also meet our new favorite character Asst. Dir. Kersh. Millennium 2×21 “Somehow, Satan Got Behind Me”is everything we could have hoped for.
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Where no one tries to re-hydrate burnt paper.
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Listen to Episode 6×01 – 1:37:25
Tags: #TeamSpender, 90's Child Empowerment Bullshit, A battle of will between Duchovny and Carter: Who's side will you be on?, Abum, Alex Diakun, Alien, Alien Tracking Psychic Kids, Ally McBeal, Alvin Kersh, An awful Simpsons joke, Apparently you can't opperate a desk without a penis, Assistant Director Maslin, Band Candy, Baywatch, BEES DON'T POLLINATE CORN, Bill Macy, Blurk, Brad Cupples, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Butchers, Candy-Apple, CarpoolMan, Chariots of the Gods, Chris Owens, Claire Laffar, Commentary, CONTINUITY, Crazed Filthy Red Savage, Crazy Indian on the loose, Damnation via papercut, Dan Zukovic, Dancing Devil Baby, Darin Morgan, Darin Morgan's BFF, David Duchovny, Deadlights, Devils, Diana Fowley, Dick Bakalyan, Dipwad, Don S. Williams, Don't poke things in the dark, Don't touch shit on the floor, Donut Shop, Evidence, Fight The Future, First Elder, Frank Black, Frankenstein, Freddy Kruger, Fucking Diana, G. Arnold, Gabrielle Rose, George, George Murdock, Gibson Praise, Gillian Anderson, Glory Day for Jon, Greb, Hi, Hider in the house, Hider in the Reactor, Homer, Hot Dog, Independence Day, Intelligent Black Oil --> Chest Burster Monster --> Giant Feral Monster --> Intelligent Deal Making Grey, introtox, introtox.com, James Pickens Jr., Jeff Gulka, Jeffrey Spender, Kersh is the greatest new character ever, Kersh's Wife, Lance Henriksen, Learn to cloak out your shit Mulder, Lets just build new walls on top of these old walls, Millennium, Mimi Rogers, Mitch Pileggi, Mulder gets his comeuppance, Mulder has absolutely seen Men in Black, Mulder is a dick, Nonchalant Demon sitting in a truck, North, please don't flick ash into this kid's exposed brain, Quantum Leap, Rehydrating ashes, RuPaul, Sally, Sandman, Second Elder, Slacker Guests, Sneak Attack Diana, Somehow Satan Got Behind Me, Someone To Trust, Standards and Practices, Stingray, Stop making Spender the bad guy, T.C., Tammy Ginader, Taxpayer dollars at work, Teliko, The Beginning, The Frankenstein of the Philippines, The law of fun facts, The Movie, The Pretender, The Red Man?, The Smoking Man, There's no 'I" in Team... but there is one in "Diana", This is a hugely unlikely life cycle, This kid is still not the key to all the X-Files, Toby, Wacky Lacky, Wally Dalton, Walter Skinner, Waylon Figgleif, Wayne Alexander, Wendie Malick, Where are Gibson's parents, William B. Davis, X-Files, xfiles, You cannot reconstitute burnt paper, You think the POWER PLANT would be the one place where they don't worry about the cost of lighting their facility considering they PRODUCE THE POWER
Movie – X-Files The Movie: Fight The Future
February 11th, 2015
It’s time for the first X-Files movie. Matt joins us to discuss bees, herda hada yokel kids, and the proper etiquette for borrowing a friend’s clothing. We learn that if you forget the mythology up to this point and ignore the definitions of words it makes much more sense. We also have the greatest theme tune ever, a special surprise visit via explanatory monologue, and the reading of the contest winning fanfic.
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Where we Fight. Fight. Fight the Future.
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Listen to Fight The Future – 2:46:32
Tags: 1998, 2shy did it first, A lot of Bees in a Scully Suit, Alex Jones, Aliens don't need starbucks, Alvin Kurtzweil, Amani, American Gothic, Americans cannot handle Roundabouts, An Old-Fashioned Monkeyshiner, Anti-vaxxers bringing back preventable disease... That's one way to bring the future to its knees, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Bees, Ben Bronschweig, Bill Mulder Choose Samantha to survive, Black Oil, Black-Haired Man Jason Beghe, Blackwood County, Blythe Danner, Bruce Harwood, Cavemen, charging box, Children of the Corn, Chris Carter, Chris Carter explains the mythology for four minutes, Chris is a hero, Cigarette Smoking Man, Conrad Strughold, Conspiracies, Cool Drinks, Dale from The Walking Dead, Darius Michaud, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, Dirtwater Kids, Disposable Orphans AKA Orphans, Djinn, Don S. Williams, Don't piss on buildings with friends, E.T., Fanfiction, Fellow Travellers, FEMA, Fight The Future, Fight. Fight. Fight the Future, Fighting the future, First Elder, Frank Spotnitz, Fuck People, George, George has a spaceship office, George Murdock, Gillian Anderson, Greatest Theme Tune EVER, H.R. Giger Mat Paintings, herda hada yokel kids, How did he stumble into finding Scully's clothes... wait... how did he even find Scully?, How did they get to/fro Antarctica?, How is Krycek not in the movie, How many alien groups are there?, How would the colonist use/control the black oil at all assuming they are different species, If FEMA is the secret govenment why do you have to coverup things at a YOUR office, Independence Day, Infect with black oil cook to 500° for 35 min let scary monster erupt from chest, Jana Cassidy, Jeffrey De Munn, Jerry Watts, Jerry Watts death is Mulder's fault, Jesse Ventura, John Fitzgerald Byers, John Neville, Kermit the Frog, Knockout bees, Like a time capsule android programmed to shoot ya... That's one way to fight the future, Little Travellers, Live Tweets from Tammy, Locale Latin Cabaret References, London England, Long Con, Lucas Black, Mark Snow... are you ok?, Martin Landau, Melvin Frohike, Michael Shamus Wiles, Mitch Pileggi, Monkeyshines, Monsanto Monsanto Monsanto, Mr. Mulder PULL THE STRINGS! PULL THE STRINGS!, Mulan, Mulder could solve so many X-Files if he spent as much time looking at family photos as he does the National Enquirer, Mulder gets shot in the head at point blank range, Mulder's Genie, Murder by Numbers, Mustache Acting, No chatting whilst urinating, Orphan Children, Panic Face, Plinky-plonky music, PolarVortex, Rabid Hungry Orphans, Rent-An-Orphan, Richard Langly, Rob Bowman, Second Elder, Secret Chris Carter Explanatory Monologue Interruptions, Secret Government, Smash your smartphone and burn your "computure", Smilla's Sense of Snow, So we're just redoing the begining of season two?, Special Agent Dana Scully, Special Agent Fox Mulder, Spooky, Stay-Puft Marshmellow Boobs, Stevie Richardson, Stingray, Stop playing with skulls you dirtwater monster, Sunflower Seeds, T.C., Tammy Memories, Teliko, Teliko is a party dude, Teliko Riding on a Bee is clearly a stingray shipper, Tell. Don't Show: The Legacy of Chris Carter, Terry O'Quinn, Texas, That creepo alien umbilical cord was gross, That's your friends coat you asshole! Don't throw it in a gutter, The CDC, The Ghost of Christmas Future, The Lone Gunmen, The Matrix, The Office of Professional Review, The Pretender, There are sooo many things that bees DO pollinate could they pick one of those to use, There's no way for them to be blamed for this, There's only one grain that we make spooky mazes out of, These Plans don't make sense, This Cover-up doesn't make sense, This is bonkers, Tom Braidwood, Trigger Warning: Matt briefly mentions the 9/11 of humans: Jack Black at the 1:59:15 mark, Troll 2, UFO, Ummm... bees don't pollinate corn, Unnecessary Suicides, Vaccine, Well-Manicured Man, What is the deal with the cornfields, Why are the aliens in this movie just scary monsters?, Why would you make a deal with these aliens?, William B. Davis, Words that they use wrong: Clone. Hybrid. Vaccine. Virus., X-Files The Movie: Fight The Future, You want evidence? Here have a bee.
Episode 5×20 – The End
February 4th, 2015
Dan and Mike join us for the season five finale 5×20 “The End” in which a chess-playing telepath from the Philippines is revealed to be the key to ALL of the X-Files. How is this possible? No Clue. I’m SURE we’ll find out in the movie. Check n’ Spender are back in the mix and being completely wasted. Millennium 2×20 “A Room With No View” is horrifically terrifying and amazing.
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Where we know Check n’ Spender deserve better.
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Listen to Episode 5×20 – 1:41:51
Tags: A Room With No View, Acting Chops, Alex Krycek, Alien Astronauts, Anne, Assassin, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Awkward Hug, Back and to the left, Baywatch, Baywatch Nights, Ben, Black-Haired Man, Bletch, Bloodlines, Boyhood, Brad Cupples, Bruce Harwood, Bumblecek, Candy Apple got brand new chompers, Catherine Black, Chad Todhunter, ChaosAtom.com, Check n' Spender, Chess, Chess Handlers, Chris Carter is the devil, Chris Kyle was a goddamn bloodthirsty savage murderer and a racist. The world is better with him no longer in it, Chris Owens, Christopher Kennedy Masterson, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Dan Ginader, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, Detective Bob Giebelhouse, Detective Sandwich, Diana Fowley, Don S. Williams, Don't rub a cigarette wrapper in someone's face you're a fucking adult, Driving Miss Well-Manicured Man, Evil Robin, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Frank Black with devil fighting sunglasses, Fuck American Sniper, Fuck State Sponsored Murderers, Gary Busey, George Murdock, Gibson Praise, Gillian Anderson, Hey kid maybe give a little bit of a heads up before somebody is murdered, Hider in the house, How does killing a telepathic chess champ benefit these guys?, I guess Mulder is going to have to go to the flea market and buy another poster, If other chumps wanted to be on the movie ep they should have sent in Fanfic, introtox, introtox.com, It's YOUR days that are numbered!, jealous Scully is the worst, Jeff Gulka, Jeffrey Spender, Jingle all the way 2, John Fitzgerald Byers, John Neville, Jurassic Park, Lance Henriksen, Landon Bryce, Liar Liar PANTS ON FIRE!, Love is Blue, Lucifer, Lucy Butler, Mariangelo Pina, Martin Ferrero, Megan Gallagher, Melvin Frohike, Michael David, Michael Shamus Wiles, Millennium, Mimi Rogers, Mitch Pileggi, Morley, Mr. Bryce, Nicholas Lea, Oscars, Pendrell, Peter Pan, Peter Watts, Pressors and Pressure, Professor X, Richard Langly, Rob Zombie, Sarah-Jane Redmond, Scientology, Season Finale, Second Elder, shop.chaosatom.com, Silence of the Lambs, Silver Surfer, Skycek, Skyrim Addict Podcast, Stephen James Lang, Stingray, Tammy Ginader, Teliko, Teresa, Terrible FBI agent... Worse Babysitter, Terry O'Quinn, The Chatter Box Podcast, The Dells, The Devil, The End, The kid went Elvis, The Lone Gunmen, The Pretender, The stakes have never been lower, They already know there's an evil syndicate WHAT DO THEY GAIN FROM MAKING A DEAL?, They have never been more tangentially parallel to the truth, This is a terribly designed test of psychic ability, This is the first time Claire has done more editing than Brad would have. TRUST, This kid can hear thoughts AND words... so maybe stop talking shit in front of him, This kid is not from the Philippines, Timothy Webber, Tom Braidwood, Well-Manicured Man, What are these long term plans?, What does this kid prove that a captured Teliko; Toombs; or Flukey doesn't?, Where are this kid's parents, WHERE THE FUCK DID GEORGE DISAPEAR TO?, Whiplash, White Zombie, Why are so many people watching this chess tournament?, Why are you striking a deal with this assassin?, Why does Chris Carter go out of his way to make Scully the worst?, William B. Davis, Worst comeback ever, X-Files, X-Files is being shut down... AGAIN, xfiles, You have to feed prisoners, You're Dead!
Episode 5×14 – The Red and the Black
December 24th, 2014
A second part of a two-parter that doesn’t completely fall apart? Evangeline joins us for 5×14 “The Red and the Black” There’s a vague ill-defined war going on between alien factions. Scully acts like a real Mulder-dummy and has regression hypnosis before having sense talked into her by Jeffrey Spender, American Hero and future half of the hottest new buddy cop show. Frank uses his Dragon powers to catch sin eater/urban legend dream catcher in Millennium 2×14 “The Pest House”
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Where Jeffrey Spender gets the respect he deserves.
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Listen to Episode 5×14 – 1:58:54
Tags: "I remind myself of a Navajo Story" --The most Chris Carter thing I've ever heard, "Look my Momz is just a dummy cripple. How's she supposed to roll her crippled up wheelchair all the way to Mt Crazy?", "Quiet Willy", Alex Krycek, Alex Shostak Jr, Alien Colonists, Allen Coulter, Black Oil, Brad Cupples, Brian Thompson, Bulletproof, Canada, Cassandra Spender, Catherine Black, Chapelle Jaffe, Check n' Spender, Chris Carter, Chris Owens, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Dana Scully, Darcy Laurie, David Duchovny, Dmitri, Does Scully spend more time being kidnapped or in a hospital bed, Don S. Williams, Dr. Heitz Werber, Dr. Paton, Dr. Stoller, E. Jacob Woodcock, Edward, Evangeline, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, George Murdock, Gillian Anderson, Glen Morgan, Go Fish, How many terrible novels were written in the smoking man cabin, Hypnosis, Hypnotic Orgasms, I gotta sell more paps, implants, introtox, introtox.com, James Wong, Jeffrey Spender, Jim Jansen, John Moore, John Neville, Justin Louis, Kermit the Frog had a much harder time breaking out of a Gulag than Mulder did after he was infected with Alien Black Oil Parasites, Lance Henriksen, Laurie Holden, Marita Cobrakai, Marita Covarrubias, Maybe send your childhood pals a bottle of Scotch or a cheese plate instead of naming boats and dead bodies after them, Megan Gallagher, Melinda McGraw, Melissa Scully, Michael Massee, Miehal Suchanek, Millennium, Mitch Pileggi, MulCek, Mulder is such a dick, Mulder jumped on the back of a truck whilst throwing Scully under a bus, Nicholas Lea, Peter Watts, Prosthetic Arm Mini-Fridge, Purdue, Regression Hypnotherapy is not a thing, Relax your jaw and your pelvis and let's go to the night place... What? RED ALERT! RED ALERT!, Resist or Serve, Russian freighter, Scully Loses, Second Elder, Sin Eater, Some Vampire sends Mulder a mysterious red envelope and he's not gonna be all over it? C'mon Tammy that is ridic, Stop laughing at your friend in the hospital you fucking weirdo, Tammy Ginader, Team Spender, Terry O'Quinn, The Big "S" Trio: Spender. Scully. Stingray., The Bounty Hunter, The Pretender, The Red and the Black, The resistance, The Syndicate, The truth is in you, The Well-Manicured Man, Third Elder, This is how all of Claire's Fan Fictions start, Veronica Cartwright, Walter Skinner, Well-Manicured Man, Whammy Awards, WHY IS HE ADJUSTING HER BED?!?!, Wiekamp Air Force Base, William B. Davis, Willy Ross, Winter Solstice Champions, X-Files, xfiles, Young Jeffrey Spender