Welcome to the third season, where things are just as ridiculous as ever. Dave joins us as we learn why your health insurance doesn’t cover trips to the rez for medical treatment. Scully is being molested left and right and it is not appropriate. We celebrate the rambling return of dream Deep Throat and Melissa (as well as her shitty crystal choker) gets what she deserves.

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Listen to Episode 3×01 – 1:28:36

Tags: A hut is not a hospital, Albert Hosteen, Alex Krycek William B. Davis, Alf Humphreys, America, Baron Munchausen, Before 9/11 metal detectors were 98% imaginary, Brad Cupples, Brad is the Giles Corey of watching X-Files, Bravehearts fighting for the rights of all the dreamers, Chris Carter, Chris Carter's Empire Strikes Back, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Creepy Ghost Alien Rescue Squad, Criss-Cross Applesauce, Crystal Sister, Dakota House, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Deep Throat, DIE MELISSA DIE!, Don't trust the white dudes, Douchecopter, Dr. Pomerantz, Dream chattin', dvmpe.com, eh I'll try and flag you down from my car while I flee my death, Elaborate Faux Shakespeare Monologues, Eric Hosteen, Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman, Fox Mulder, Freddy Kruger Mulder, FUCK THAT BITCH AND HER CRYSTAL CHOKER, ghost aliens, Ghost Mulder, Gillian Anderson, Grandpa Joe, gross cigarette dude from Fearful Symmetry, Hey dummies... you control all the secret info and can't work out a light switch?, holotropic breath work, If someone tells you not to shower for your health punch them in their goddamn filthy fucking face, Inappropriate funeral tactics, introtox, introtox.com, Jerry Hardin, Jerry Hardin has no clue what the block of nonsense means, John Neville, Jonny-Come-Lately Feedback, Laying someone in a salad is not medical treatment, leading questions from a fake doctor, Major Briggs, Margaret Scully, Melinda McGraw, Melissa needs to visit a fashion therapist to see what is wrong with her, Melissa Scully, Melvin Frohike, Michael David Simms, Mitch Pileggi, Molestation Files, Monsters, Mormon Conspiracies, Native American Style, Nicholas Lea, Ninja Mimes, One Two Mulder's monotone is ewww Three Four get ready to snore Five Six he's touching his sister's pics Seven Eight tape up an 'X' and wait, P.S. Your choker sucks too, Peter Donat, Professor X, Put your fucking shoes on Scully, R.W. Goodwin, Regression therapy is not a thing, Robin Burdge, Season Three, Senior Agent, Shawshank Abduction, Sheila Larken, Shit's tough in the FP, Singing and incense are not the same thing as an IV, Smokey lives in Skinner's closet, Stop molesting Scully, STOP! Your unprovoked touching and sexual harassment is not wanted or appreciated, Tammy Ginader, The Blessing Way, The Elders, The Mulder family was so poor they had to share their only acting chop each night... this taught them to get by on less for the rest of their lives, The Native American Four Days of Awful Plan is Frohike approved, The Well-Manicured Man, The worst photoshop ever, The Zzzzzzz Files, Tom Braidwood, Twin Peaks, Uncomfortable Admissions with Robin, Walter Skinner, What is she being charged being insubordination of?, what's your problem with buzzards? They're just trying to get by in a tough world, wikifeet.com, William Mulder, X-Files, xfiles, Yo Albert, Your Father should be ashamed you barefooted monster