Episode 6×11 – Two Fathers
April 29th, 2015
Alirio and Heidi join us for 6×11 “Two Fathers”. It’s the mythology episode Claire has been begging for! Thrill at the minutes of valuable screen time devoted to an unnecessary exposition monologue! Marvel at the most racially uncomfortable writing sense the last time Chris Carter dared to have a black person in one of his scripts! Rage at the injustices heaped upon Jeff Spender: Champion of the Taxpayer! Agonize over the puzzle of why this episode is called “Two Fathers”. In Millennium 3×08 “Human Essence” Hollis has to clear her name and rescue her illegitimate junkie half-sister from a terrible plot.
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Where words have meanings.
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Listen to Episode 6×11 – 1:56:59
Tags: "I'm ready to J-O-B just not on some jagoff shoeshine tip", "Yo Homestyle cough up the rock", A case of the yips, Agent Diana Fowley, Agent Emma Hollis, Al Ruscio, Alex Krycek, Aliens, Alirio Ferreira, Angie WATCH YOUR BACK. #RougeCop #SeeSomethingSaySomething, Arson, Assistant Director Andy McClaren, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Bad Girls, Basketball, Basketball Player, Basketball Sweaters, Brad Cupples, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bullfrog Andy is like a less interesting Boss Hogg, Canada, Candy-Apple, Candygram, Cassandra is the worst, Cassandra Spender, CastleCast, Check n' Spender, Chester George Barnabus Spender, China, Chris Carter, Chris Carter Monologues, Chris Owens, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Conspiracy, Damon P. Saleem, David Duchovny, Department of Justice, Don S. Williams, Don't taste white powder found in envelopes, Dr. Eugene Openshaw, Et tu Stingray?, Exposition George, FBI Agent, Fifth Elder, Fight The Future, Fight. Fight. Fight the Future, First Elder, Flukie - Gold Medal Olympian, Fourth Elder, Frank Black Klea Scott, Frank Ertl, Frank Spotnitz, Frank turns into a dragon to escape an exploding building, George Murdock, Gillian Anderson, Greg Evigan, Heidi Jenkins, Heroin, Hey Hollis? why are you cloaking out?, Hey transcript writers... are you OK?, Hollis is the worst, How did you get your clothes?, How is Diana still awake?, Human Essence, Humanzees, I'm pretty sure Chris Carter's version of "The Godfather" is closer to Corky Romano, In what way do they look like monsters?, introtox, introtox.com, Jeff Spender: American Hero and Champion of the Taxpayer, Jeffrey Spender, Kersh, Kill Switch, Kim Manners, Lance Henriksen, LEAVE SPENDER ALONE, Milk, Millennium, Mimi Rogers, Mitch Pileggi, Monsters, Mr. Ho, Mulder and Scully might have gotten fired... AGAIN, Mulder is NOT a special snowflake, My Two Dads, Mythology, Nicholas Lea, Nick Tate, Nopenheimer, Nopenshaw, Paul Reiser, Paul Reiser and the other guy, Peter Outerbridge, Pizza Guy, Pool, PotentialCast, Powerpoint, Previously on, Racism, Relax your jaw and your pelvis, Samaria Graham, Scully's Short Skirt, Second Elder, Sexy Lego Robot Guard, So... you don't have evidence then..., Soooo apparently Krycek and Spender are immune to the extremely toxic alien blood, Special Agent Barry Baldwin Stephen E. Miller, Spender > Luke Skywalker, Stephen Chang, Stop being a dick to Spender, Stop smoking IN THE HOSPITAL, Take him to his damn mother already, Tammy Ginader, Tamra Caffrey, That is not what hybrid means, The cliffhanger of this episode rests on if you think Mulder might murder an innocent defenseless old woman, The Iron Sheik, The Pretender, The Proffessor SAT DOWN!, The Truth Out There, The X-Files, They had cleaned up the mythology and then they jump full force into all the awful garbage mythology, This doesn't make sense at all, This episode is brought you by hotmail: for when you don't really need your mail, Those faces rip off very easily, Trust no one, Two Fathers, Valerie Pettiford, Veronica Cartwright, Who are the two fathers?, Why aren't we working with the Rebels?, Why is everybody treating Spender like crap?, Why is Mulder hiding?, Why would shapeshifters need to mutilate their orifices, William B. Davis, X-Files, xfiles, You should not use the same nickname for your girlfriend as your sister. That is weird.
Episode 6×04 – Dreamland
March 10th, 2015
It’s time for a two-part(?!?) body-swap episode.
*Tumbleweed*
*Tumbleweed*
Evangeline and Ian join us as we try to explain 6×04 “Dreamland”. In Millennium 3×01 “The Innocents” we try to come to terms with a world sans Catherine or Detective Sandwich.
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Where no one is allowed use someone else’s penis without permission.
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Listen to Episode 6×04 – 2:10:22
Tags: A novelty notched coin that's all the clues I need, Acting Chops, Alternate Universe, Andrew Sikking, Assistant Director Alvin Kersh, Attendant, Body Swap, Brad Cupples, Bring back Detective Sandwich!, Brittany Tiplady, Bruce Harwood, Capt. Robert McDonough, Cesar Lopapa, ChaosAtom.com, Cheater!, Check n' Spender, Chris Ufland, Christine Fletcher, Christopher Stapleton, Claire Laffar, Claire's Hotmail is full of tumbleweeds, Copilot, Creepy Age Makeup, Dana Scully, Dara Hollingsworth, David Duchovny, David Duchovny complained about being in the desert but apparently not about the script, David Duchovny you are no Groucho Marx, Dean Haglund, Don't watch porn in someone else's house, don't watch porn with a stranger's penis, Down Below: A Babylon 5 IntroCast, Dreamland, Duck Soup, Eddie Jackson, Evangeline Spachis, Fletch, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Frank Black is every bit the legendary criminal profiler Mulder pretends to be, Freeman Michaels, Gary Busey, Gary Shandling, General Wegman, Gillian Anderson, Government Perks include Porn at 8AM, Gross, Guard, Hider in the house, Howard Grodin, I am still in shock of how bad this ep was, Ian Swallow, If you have a photo with Newt Gingrich you are a bad person, IntroToTea, introtox, introtox.com, Is this supposed to be fun?, James Pickens Jr., Jeff Smoodge, JoAnne Fletcher, John Fitzgerald Byers, John Mahon, Jordan Black, Jordan is a real creepo, Julia Vera, Kelly, Kersh, Kersh's Assistant, Kersh's Secretary can do better, Klea Scott, Lance Henriksen, Laura Leigh Hughes, Lisa Joann Thompson, Literal AND metaphorical tumbleweeds, Lizard in a rock, Low flying plane attack, Majestic 12, Marburg Virus, Melvin Frohike, men in black, Michael Buchman Silver, Michael McKean, Microwaved Cabbage Patch Doll Face, Mike Rad, Millennium, Morley Cigarettes, Morris Fletcher, Mrs. Lana Chee, Mulder put more effort into investigating fertilizer than he does Area 51, Nevada, Never Forget: It was Chris Carter's idea to kill Catherine, No one in this episode acts in a quasi-sensible way, Nora Dunn, Peter Watts, Quantum Leap, Randy, Richard Langly, Sam, Scott Allan Campbell, Scully needs new/any friends, shop.chaosatom.com, SNL, So UFO malfunctions can cause objects to phase into each other OR wacky body swaps. Makes sense. Sure. Why not, So why doesn't anybody know about this horrific disease outbreak?, Soldier, Special Agent Emma Hollis, Spender Forever, Stick around to hear the most English moment ever to be recorded, Tammy Ginader, Tammy has no clue what happened in this episode, Team Kersh, Ted White, Terry Fletcher, Terry O'Quinn, The Innocents, The Prisoner episode 'Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling' is a bodyswap episode that is 1000% more believable and it involves a very tall man driving a tiny little Lotus 7 From London to Austria, The stakes have never been lower, The streak of good episodes is dead, They should bring Brad Dourif back, This is the one time it would make sense to call the Lone Gunmen, THIS MAKES NO SENSE, Tom Braidwood, Tyler Binkley, Wait. Worry. The Time Is Near, Web of Queer Podcast, Were the people that work in props on vacation this week?, Where's Teliko?, Why did you let some weirdo drive off with your partner AND your penis, Why is this two episodes, Wife Beater, X-Files, xfiles, You would think that Scully would stay away from anything involving bees since that incident with the 'corn pollinating' bees, Zelda from Terrahawks
Episode 5×20 – The End
February 4th, 2015
Dan and Mike join us for the season five finale 5×20 “The End” in which a chess-playing telepath from the Philippines is revealed to be the key to ALL of the X-Files. How is this possible? No Clue. I’m SURE we’ll find out in the movie. Check n’ Spender are back in the mix and being completely wasted. Millennium 2×20 “A Room With No View” is horrifically terrifying and amazing.
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Where we know Check n’ Spender deserve better.
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Listen to Episode 5×20 – 1:41:51
Tags: A Room With No View, Acting Chops, Alex Krycek, Alien Astronauts, Anne, Assassin, Assistant Director Walter Skinner, Awkward Hug, Back and to the left, Baywatch, Baywatch Nights, Ben, Black-Haired Man, Bletch, Bloodlines, Boyhood, Brad Cupples, Bruce Harwood, Bumblecek, Candy Apple got brand new chompers, Catherine Black, Chad Todhunter, ChaosAtom.com, Check n' Spender, Chess, Chess Handlers, Chris Carter is the devil, Chris Kyle was a goddamn bloodthirsty savage murderer and a racist. The world is better with him no longer in it, Chris Owens, Christopher Kennedy Masterson, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Dan Ginader, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Dean Haglund, Detective Bob Giebelhouse, Detective Sandwich, Diana Fowley, Don S. Williams, Don't rub a cigarette wrapper in someone's face you're a fucking adult, Driving Miss Well-Manicured Man, Evil Robin, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Frank Black with devil fighting sunglasses, Fuck American Sniper, Fuck State Sponsored Murderers, Gary Busey, George Murdock, Gibson Praise, Gillian Anderson, Hey kid maybe give a little bit of a heads up before somebody is murdered, Hider in the house, How does killing a telepathic chess champ benefit these guys?, I guess Mulder is going to have to go to the flea market and buy another poster, If other chumps wanted to be on the movie ep they should have sent in Fanfic, introtox, introtox.com, It's YOUR days that are numbered!, jealous Scully is the worst, Jeff Gulka, Jeffrey Spender, Jingle all the way 2, John Fitzgerald Byers, John Neville, Jurassic Park, Lance Henriksen, Landon Bryce, Liar Liar PANTS ON FIRE!, Love is Blue, Lucifer, Lucy Butler, Mariangelo Pina, Martin Ferrero, Megan Gallagher, Melvin Frohike, Michael David, Michael Shamus Wiles, Millennium, Mimi Rogers, Mitch Pileggi, Morley, Mr. Bryce, Nicholas Lea, Oscars, Pendrell, Peter Pan, Peter Watts, Pressors and Pressure, Professor X, Richard Langly, Rob Zombie, Sarah-Jane Redmond, Scientology, Season Finale, Second Elder, shop.chaosatom.com, Silence of the Lambs, Silver Surfer, Skycek, Skyrim Addict Podcast, Stephen James Lang, Stingray, Tammy Ginader, Teliko, Teresa, Terrible FBI agent... Worse Babysitter, Terry O'Quinn, The Chatter Box Podcast, The Dells, The Devil, The End, The kid went Elvis, The Lone Gunmen, The Pretender, The stakes have never been lower, They already know there's an evil syndicate WHAT DO THEY GAIN FROM MAKING A DEAL?, They have never been more tangentially parallel to the truth, This is a terribly designed test of psychic ability, This is the first time Claire has done more editing than Brad would have. TRUST, This kid can hear thoughts AND words... so maybe stop talking shit in front of him, This kid is not from the Philippines, Timothy Webber, Tom Braidwood, Well-Manicured Man, What are these long term plans?, What does this kid prove that a captured Teliko; Toombs; or Flukey doesn't?, Where are this kid's parents, WHERE THE FUCK DID GEORGE DISAPEAR TO?, Whiplash, White Zombie, Why are so many people watching this chess tournament?, Why are you striking a deal with this assassin?, Why does Chris Carter go out of his way to make Scully the worst?, William B. Davis, Worst comeback ever, X-Files, X-Files is being shut down... AGAIN, xfiles, You have to feed prisoners, You're Dead!
Episode 5×18 – Pine Bluff Variant
January 21st, 2015
Pretender expert-by-relation Nutty, Matt, and stowaway Mel join us to discuss the instantly forgettable 5×18 “The Pine Bluff Variant” in which Stingray tricks Mulder into going undercover to infiltrate a domestic terrorist organization that is actually the government. We also discuss the heartbreaking Millennium 2×18 “In Arcadia Ego.”
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Where we know what Draculas look like.
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Listen to Episode 5×18 – 2:12:19
Tags: Agentception, America's Prison System is revolting, Angola Delaware, Armin Moattar, August Bremer, Bacteria with armor, Bernard, biological weapons, Brad Cupples, Brittany Tiplady, Broken Fingers, Captain Stephens, Catherine Black, Center for Disease Control, Check n' Spender, Chump, Claire Laffar, Concessionette, Crimes delayed by trips to the library, Curiously there have been a series of 7-Eleven robberies following Nutty wherever she goes for the last ten years, Dana Scully, Daniel von Bargen, David Duchovny, David Jean-Thomas, Detective Bob Giebelhouse, Detective Sandwich, Die Hard With A Vengeance, Disease Armor, Diseases with flashlights, Don't rob a bank, Dulce, Ed Lauter, FACT: These white guys could not look more different, Field Agent, Folger Park, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Frank Black does not tolerate whimsical rape, Frank Briggs, Freedom fighters, Fresh Popcorn, Frohike's daughter, Fuck these douche cops, Gillian Anderson, Gimp, Goatee Man, Harrisburg Pennsylvania, Holland Manners, Hot News, How can they not arrest Sam Anderson at the end of this ep?, I have literally already forgotten this episode, Immaculate Conception, In Arcadia Ego, introtox, introtox.com, J.B. Bivens, Jacob Haley, Janette, Jeezo, Jesse Ventura, Jordan Black, Just let them get away!, Kate Braidwood, Kermit the Frog is from Florida as explained in "The Muppets go to Disney World" and "Kermit's Swamp Years", Killer Strep Throat, Lance Henriksen, Leamus, Leathery Potpourri is a Canadian delicacy, Liar Liar PANTS ON FIRE!, Literal whimsical rape, Lord of Illusions, Mary-Pat Green, Matt R Humphrey, Megan Gallagher, Mélanie Richard, Michael MacRae, Millennium, Mississippi is expendable, Missy Crider, Mitch Pileggi, Money, Monster Masks, MORE X-Files?, Most depressing Millennium episode ever, Mr. Sam Gorpley, Mulder Cry Face, Mulder gets a man killed... again, Mulder should be going to prison now, Nutty Nuchtchas, Nutty's Crime Advice, Peter Watts, Popcorn, Principal Willis Dewitt, prison, Projectionette, Ralph Alderman, Ratings, Remember in the 90's when we still labeled white domestic terrorists as 'terrorists', Sam Anderson, Scratch n Sniff, Scully Sass, Sonny, Stephen James Lang, Stingray, streptococcus, Tammy Ginader, Teliko, terrorism, Terry O'Quinn, The amount of blood on Mulder's hands should David Duchovny needs to be stopped, The Federal Bureau of Imagination, the Manager, The New Spartans, The Pine Bluff Variant, The Pretender, the Usherette, This plot makes no sense, This system is too chaotic for any sort of useful test, Universal Monsters, Walter Skinner, Warden Kellard, Washington D.C., We are going to be doing this podcast until we are elderly, Weirdest Dracula, What does this test accomplish, X-Files, xfiles, Your job title should obviously be based on your genitals
Episode 5×14 – The Red and the Black
December 24th, 2014
A second part of a two-parter that doesn’t completely fall apart? Evangeline joins us for 5×14 “The Red and the Black” There’s a vague ill-defined war going on between alien factions. Scully acts like a real Mulder-dummy and has regression hypnosis before having sense talked into her by Jeffrey Spender, American Hero and future half of the hottest new buddy cop show. Frank uses his Dragon powers to catch sin eater/urban legend dream catcher in Millennium 2×14 “The Pest House”
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Where Jeffrey Spender gets the respect he deserves.
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Listen to Episode 5×14 – 1:58:54
Tags: "I remind myself of a Navajo Story" --The most Chris Carter thing I've ever heard, "Look my Momz is just a dummy cripple. How's she supposed to roll her crippled up wheelchair all the way to Mt Crazy?", "Quiet Willy", Alex Krycek, Alex Shostak Jr, Alien Colonists, Allen Coulter, Black Oil, Brad Cupples, Brian Thompson, Bulletproof, Canada, Cassandra Spender, Catherine Black, Chapelle Jaffe, Check n' Spender, Chris Carter, Chris Owens, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Dana Scully, Darcy Laurie, David Duchovny, Dmitri, Does Scully spend more time being kidnapped or in a hospital bed, Don S. Williams, Dr. Heitz Werber, Dr. Paton, Dr. Stoller, E. Jacob Woodcock, Edward, Evangeline, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, George Murdock, Gillian Anderson, Glen Morgan, Go Fish, How many terrible novels were written in the smoking man cabin, Hypnosis, Hypnotic Orgasms, I gotta sell more paps, implants, introtox, introtox.com, James Wong, Jeffrey Spender, Jim Jansen, John Moore, John Neville, Justin Louis, Kermit the Frog had a much harder time breaking out of a Gulag than Mulder did after he was infected with Alien Black Oil Parasites, Lance Henriksen, Laurie Holden, Marita Cobrakai, Marita Covarrubias, Maybe send your childhood pals a bottle of Scotch or a cheese plate instead of naming boats and dead bodies after them, Megan Gallagher, Melinda McGraw, Melissa Scully, Michael Massee, Miehal Suchanek, Millennium, Mitch Pileggi, MulCek, Mulder is such a dick, Mulder jumped on the back of a truck whilst throwing Scully under a bus, Nicholas Lea, Peter Watts, Prosthetic Arm Mini-Fridge, Purdue, Regression Hypnotherapy is not a thing, Relax your jaw and your pelvis and let's go to the night place... What? RED ALERT! RED ALERT!, Resist or Serve, Russian freighter, Scully Loses, Second Elder, Sin Eater, Some Vampire sends Mulder a mysterious red envelope and he's not gonna be all over it? C'mon Tammy that is ridic, Stop laughing at your friend in the hospital you fucking weirdo, Tammy Ginader, Team Spender, Terry O'Quinn, The Big "S" Trio: Spender. Scully. Stingray., The Bounty Hunter, The Pretender, The Red and the Black, The resistance, The Syndicate, The truth is in you, The Well-Manicured Man, Third Elder, This is how all of Claire's Fan Fictions start, Veronica Cartwright, Walter Skinner, Well-Manicured Man, Whammy Awards, WHY IS HE ADJUSTING HER BED?!?!, Wiekamp Air Force Base, William B. Davis, Willy Ross, Winter Solstice Champions, X-Files, xfiles, Young Jeffrey Spender