Chris Joins for 5×15 “Travelers” an episode with all the trappings of boring fanfiction and the lamest unnecessary explanation for why they are called “X-Files” imaginable. An epic West Side Story Battle between Owls and Roosters begins on Millennium 2×15 “Owls”.

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Where Roy Cohn is always the monster.

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Listen to Episode 5×15 – 1:50:28

Tags: 5&2, A Christmas Story, Angels, Arthur Dales, Bartender, Boring, Brad Cupples, Brian Leckner, Brittany Tiplady, Catherine Black, Chevy Chase, Claire Laffar, Claire sets the boundaries on when xmas ends, Clear Knight, Coroner, Cory Dagg, Dana Scully, Darren McGavin, David Duchovny, David Fredericks, David Moreland, Dean Aylesworth, Doctor Who: The Eleventh Hour Podcast, Dorothy Bahnsen, Edward Skur, Eileen Pedde, Eric W. Gilder, Esophagus Spiders, FBI Director, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Fredric Lane, Fuck Babyboomers, Fuck David Duchovny for making me take Chris Carter's side in an argument, Garret Dillahunt, Gillian Anderson, Glen Morgan, Hayes Michel, I do not understand this elaborate owl/rooster plot, I would be much more likely to believe Millennium was moving towards a movie than X-Files right now, introtox, introtox.com, J. Douglas Stewart, J. Edgar Hoover, James Wong, Jane Perry, Jets, JFK, Joe & Chris Do a Thing, John Lackland is History's Greatest Schmuck, Jordan Black, Kimberly Patton, Kristen Cloke, Lance Henriksen, Landlord, Lara Means, Look Honey I'm a Dragon Our Daughter Sees Angels And you work for straight up nazis., Magic Jeezo Wood, Malcolm Stewart, Maryland, Megan Gallagher, Millennium, Mitchell Kosterman, Mr. Johnston, Mrs Skur, old Edward Skur, Owls, Peter Watts, Peter Watts: Professional Creep, R. G. Armstrong, Richard I was the worst, Roger Haskett, Roosters, Roy Cohn, Sharks, Sheriff, So pops Mulder just let a guy keep killing people for all those decades? Cool guy, Space, Space Spiders, Taliens, Tammy Ginader, Terry O'Quinn, The Last Word: a Press Gang Introcast, The Old Man, The Unusual Suspects, Thomas J. Wright, Travelers, umm Watts? could you at least leave a note that you were skulking about in the shadows on my front door?, West Side Story, When your an owl your an owl all the way, Why are there solved cases in the same cabinet with unsolved cases, Why isn't Mulder the least bit interested in SPACE SPIDERS?!?, Why would you file unsolved cases under "U"?, X-Files, xfiles, young Arthur Dales, Young Bill Mulder

Happy Holidayzzz. It’s sequel to the most cherished of mutant snowman serial killer classics! Jack Frost ventures to the Bahamas to get his revenge on Sheriff Sam and some super questionable stereotypes. But who’s the real monster the killer mutant snowman OR Captain Fun?

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Where we don’t do archery or potato-sack races on our vacation to the Bahamas.

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Listen to the Episode – 1:16:37

Tags: Agent Manners, Anne Tiler, Asahi Beer, Brad Cupples, Captain Fun, Chip Heller, Chris Anderson, Christopher Allport, Claire Laffar, Colonel Hickering, David Allen Brooks, Eileen Seeley, Granger Green, Holiday Special, How is this guy still the Sheriff?, I do not understand that ending at all, I'm glad they left their murder spawn child at home, Ian Abercrombie, introtox, introtox.com, Jack Frost, Jack Frost 2 Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman, Jennifer Lyons, Joe, Marla, Marsha Clark, Michael Cooney, Most Questionable Airport EVER, Ray Cooney, Sam Tiler, Scott MacDonald, Sean Patrick Murphy, Shonda Farr, Snowmonton, solstice, Tai Bennet, Tammy Ginader, xmas

A second part of a two-parter that doesn’t completely fall apart? Evangeline joins us for 5×14 “The Red and the Black” There’s a vague ill-defined war going on between alien factions. Scully acts like a real Mulder-dummy and has regression hypnosis before having sense talked into her by Jeffrey Spender, American Hero and future half of the hottest new buddy cop show. Frank uses his Dragon powers to catch sin eater/urban legend dream catcher in Millennium 2×14 “The Pest House”

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Where Jeffrey Spender gets the respect he deserves.

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Listen to Episode 5×14 – 1:58:54

Tags: "I remind myself of a Navajo Story" --The most Chris Carter thing I've ever heard, "Look my Momz is just a dummy cripple. How's she supposed to roll her crippled up wheelchair all the way to Mt Crazy?", "Quiet Willy", Alex Krycek, Alex Shostak Jr, Alien Colonists, Allen Coulter, Black Oil, Brad Cupples, Brian Thompson, Bulletproof, Canada, Cassandra Spender, Catherine Black, Chapelle Jaffe, Check n' Spender, Chris Carter, Chris Owens, Cigarette Smoking Man, Claire Laffar, Dana Scully, Darcy Laurie, David Duchovny, Dmitri, Does Scully spend more time being kidnapped or in a hospital bed, Don S. Williams, Dr. Heitz Werber, Dr. Paton, Dr. Stoller, E. Jacob Woodcock, Edward, Evangeline, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, George Murdock, Gillian Anderson, Glen Morgan, Go Fish, How many terrible novels were written in the smoking man cabin, Hypnosis, Hypnotic Orgasms, I gotta sell more paps, implants, introtox, introtox.com, James Wong, Jeffrey Spender, Jim Jansen, John Moore, John Neville, Justin Louis, Kermit the Frog had a much harder time breaking out of a Gulag than Mulder did after he was infected with Alien Black Oil Parasites, Lance Henriksen, Laurie Holden, Marita Cobrakai, Marita Covarrubias, Maybe send your childhood pals a bottle of Scotch or a cheese plate instead of naming boats and dead bodies after them, Megan Gallagher, Melinda McGraw, Melissa Scully, Michael Massee, Miehal Suchanek, Millennium, Mitch Pileggi, MulCek, Mulder is such a dick, Mulder jumped on the back of a truck whilst throwing Scully under a bus, Nicholas Lea, Peter Watts, Prosthetic Arm Mini-Fridge, Purdue, Regression Hypnotherapy is not a thing, Relax your jaw and your pelvis and let's go to the night place... What? RED ALERT! RED ALERT!, Resist or Serve, Russian freighter, Scully Loses, Second Elder, Sin Eater, Some Vampire sends Mulder a mysterious red envelope and he's not gonna be all over it? C'mon Tammy that is ridic, Stop laughing at your friend in the hospital you fucking weirdo, Tammy Ginader, Team Spender, Terry O'Quinn, The Big "S" Trio: Spender. Scully. Stingray., The Bounty Hunter, The Pretender, The Red and the Black, The resistance, The Syndicate, The truth is in you, The Well-Manicured Man, Third Elder, This is how all of Claire's Fan Fictions start, Veronica Cartwright, Walter Skinner, Well-Manicured Man, Whammy Awards, WHY IS HE ADJUSTING HER BED?!?!, Wiekamp Air Force Base, William B. Davis, Willy Ross, Winter Solstice Champions, X-Files, xfiles, Young Jeffrey Spender

DJ Jon Johnny Jon and Matt A join us for 5×13 “Patient X” in which Krycek and Cobrakai get super steamy on a ship. We are all shocked to realize Mulder still doesn’t believe in aliens (just vampires) and Cigarette Smoking Man is still dead. In the super creepy Millennium 2×13 “The Mikado” we go back to a time to when there were only 473 porn sites on the web.

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Where we are the only people that remember that Mulder was infected with the Black Oil.

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Listen to Episode 5×13 – 1:49:49

Tags: "Quiet Willy", 39 hours of porn, A "Great" Russian Acting Community, Alex Krycek, Aliens, All 473 porn sites, Allan Zinyk, Bad News: the pizza is cold Good News: we didn't masturbate without you Jimmy #Worst, Black Oil, Bounty Hunter, Brad Cupples, Brian Roedecker, Brian Thompson, Captain Bachman, Cassandra Spender, Chilly Willy, Chris Carter Monologue, Chris Owens, Cigarette Smoking Man is surprisingly still dead, Claire Laffar, Cobrakai, Colonists, Custom Video Call From Santa, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, Deadwood, Don S. Williams, Don't think about those stitched up orifices too much, Duane Barry, Fire in the Sky, First Elder, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Frank's Dragon Powers Don't Work Online, Gillian Anderson, Gillian Carfra, Global Warming, Greg Michaels, Heitz Werber, HoopleCast, I Only Have Eyes For You, introtox, introtox.com, Jeffrey Spender, Jim Jansen, John Moore, John Neville, Krycek, Lance Henriksen, Laurie Holden, Marita Cobrakai, Marita Covarrubias, Massachusetts Institute Visiting Lecturers Program, Melty Face Men, Millennium, Miscalculating a pretend, Movie Contest, Mulder still doesn't believe in aliens (just vampires), Nicholas Lea, Not Mustache Man, Patient X, Peeping Teliko, Peter Watts, Robot Arm, Stay out of the forest, Tammy Ginader, Teliko, Terry O'Quinn, The Mikado, The old-fashioned-extra-steamy-steam-ship-double-cross, The Plan, The Pretender, The Web Girl, There are so many things to be afraid of, Third Elder, UFO, Unforgotten, Veronica Cartwright, Well-Manicured Man, Why are these teenage boys watching porn together, Willy Ross, Worst Skeptic Ever, X-Files, xfiles

It’s time for whimsical unnecessary-murder-by-law-enforcement officials as Mulder guiltlessly kills someone because he thinks they might be a vampire. Luckily by Mulder’s definition absolutely every person place and/or thing is a vampire. Dave and Matt join us for 5×12 “Bad Blood”. Millennium 1×12 “Luminary” brings back introduces us to Terry O’Quinn’s mustache family and we are attacked by Chris Carter monologues.

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Where the definition of vampire is much less amorphous.

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Listen to Episode 5×12 – 1:46:53

Tags: Alex Glaser, Apparently everything is a vampire now, Astrologer, Bad Blood, Box of Human Head Remains, Brad Cupples, Brent Butt, Brion James, Brittany Tiplady, Catherine Black, Chris Carter Monolgues, Claire Laffar, Cliff Bole, Coroner, Da Vinci's Inquest, Dana Scully, David Duchovny, David Major, Does Chris Carter know the difference between Astrologers and Astronomers, Fake teeth, Forbes Angus, Fox Mulder, Frank Black, Funeral Director, Gillian Anderson, Hands Up Don't Shoot and definitely don't STAB IN THE GODDAMN HEART, Hey dummy Astrologer King Arthur's Court and Jesus aren't real things, I don't think a new renaissance would be kicked off by the exact same means as the earlier renaissance, Inquisitor, introtox, introtox.com, Jersey Devil, John Denver and the Muppets meet Frank Black, Jordan Black, Ladies of the Night CD-Rom, Lance Henriksen, Lance Henriksen's Dragon Powers, Let's burn this whole United States of Vampires Country Down, Lost Boys, Lover Boy, Luke Wilson, Luminary, Magic Fingers, Matthew Walker, Megan Gallagher, Millennium, Mitch Pileggi, Mr. Glaser, Mrs. Glaser, Mulder is even worse in his own mind, OCD Vampires, Patrick Renna, Peter Watts, Pizza, Possible Whimsical Rape, Rob Freeman, Ronnie Strickland, Sheriff Bowman, Sheriff Hartwell, Skipping Ahead, So I guess Frank Black is the new Petrach? So what he's going to start writing poetry and publishing the works of Cicero? Fair Enough, Super Creepy, Syd van Rood, Tammy Ginader, Tamsin Kelsey, Teeth, Teliko, Terry O'Quinn, the first election, The Millennium Group demands conservative family values, The Sandlot, Tipping, Tobias Mehler, Vampire, Vince Gilligan, Walter Skinner, When someone is running screaming for help maybe don't MURDER THEM, Whimsical Murder, X-Files, X-Files/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Conspiracy #1, xfiles

Let’s hack the planet with Ian and Chris for 5×11 – “Kill Switch” Wherein Scully falls in love with a cyber-raccoon and David Duchovny attempt to make some acting choices. The assisted suicide episode of Millennium 2×11 “Goodbye Charlie” is another great and subtle ep.

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Where no one would keep Scully as their primary care physician.

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Listen to Episode 5×11 – 1:55:00

Tags: "one of the great fight scenes ever", "You have Electronic Internet Mail Letter Messages!", 2 Angry 4 Car Conversations, Acting Chops, All the explosions, Ally Warren, Amputation, Assisted Suicide, Bethoe Shirkoff, Born to be king Führer of the Universe. Here I belong Fighting to survive in a world with the darkest powers. And here we are we're the Third Reich of the universe. Here we belong, Brad Cupples, Brads greatest passion (after giving advice to Mormons) is promptness, Bruce Harwood, Buenos dias muchacha, Bunny, CAPSLOCK CHRIS, Catherine Black, CGI Kung Fu, Charles Figgis, Claire Laffar, Cyberpunk, Cyril Pollard, Dan Weber, David Duchovny, David Duchovny vs Kristen Cloke in an old-fashioned Acting-Chop-Off, David Lynch casted this doctor, Dean Haglund, Dean Haglund learned grammar from LDS.net, Deanne Henry, Delbert, Det. Bob Giebelhouse, Detective Kimmy Gibblerhouse, Detective Sandwich, Donald Gelman, Donald Gelman: Inventor of the single computer internet, Downbelow: A Babylon 5 IntroCast, dthomasmaddox.com is a ghost town, Eleanor Norris, Eleventh Hour Podcast, Ellsworth Beedle, Esther Nairn, Fighting for survival. We've come to be the rules of your world. I am immortal. I have inside me blood of Aryans. I have no rival. No man can be my equal. Take me to the future of your world, Frank Black, Gerald Boyce, Gillian Anderson, Goodbye Charlie, Hackers, Hitler the Highlander, Hooking up the lighting system to the car stereo was a huge misstep in 90s automotive technology, Input Device Ian, Internet trailer trash, introtox, introtox.com, Invisigoth, Jackson, Jerry Schram, Jesse Ventura's Truth Bombs, Joe & Chris Do a Thing, John Fitzgerald Byers, Just press enter dummy, Kate Luyben, Kill Switch, Kristen Cloke, Kristin Lehman, Krycek, Lance Henriksen, Laptop Man, Lara Means, literally giving up your individuality, Mabel Shiva, Megan Gallagher, Melvin Frohike, Millennium, Mulder's doctor is Scully he's also been pronounced dead twice. Coincidence?, Ninja Scully, NOT-Spanish Jack, Nurse Nancy, Officer Nello, Patrick Keating, Pendrell #NeverForget, Peter Williams, R.I.P. Franklin and Bash, Richard Langly, Ridiculously expensive garbage robots, Rob Bowman, Rob Daprocida, Sausage Arms, Scully wants to bang it out with Invisigoth, Sexism, She's typing that CD right out of the drive, Spanish Jack, Stealing evidence, Stefan Arngrim, Stephen Collins, Stephen J. Lang, Steven Kiley, Stop sleeping together in a nest of gross Lone Gunmen, Suicide, Tammy Ginader, Terabyte Tammy, The Last Word Podcast, The Lawnmower Man, The Lone Gunmen, The people writing these transcripts are bonkers, The Sarah Silverman Program, This is Des's fav ep ever, Tom Braidwood, Tom Maddox, Transhumanism, Tucker Smallwood, Tucker Smallwood only plays characters that are named after classic TV characters, Twilight Time, Walnut, Web Of Queer, Why is there a trap door in a trailer?, William Gibson, X-Files, xfiles