Episode 1×05 – Jersey Devil
November 27th, 2012
Gather round and listen to the Uncle-John-Cast, Dan joins us as we try to stay awake long enough to talk about this snooze-a-thon 5000. Mulder falls in love with a feral human that is in no way a ‘Jersey Devil’ meanwhile Scully repeatedly faces a series of horrifying terrors in her personal life.
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Where there’s free cake for dogs everyday!
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Listen to Episode 1×05 – 1:16:44
Episode 1×04 – Conduit
November 20th, 2012
Bam! Steph joins us in this cuckoo-bananas episode as we try to figure out what the hell a “Conduit” is. Mulder needs to be under investigation by Chris Hansen. We learn all about bad tattoos, bad parenting, and bad law enforcement. Is the awesomeness of an episode directly correlated to the size of the plot holes? Rubeeeehhhh!
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Or we’ll cry harder than David Duchovny!
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Listen to Episode 1×04 – 1:35:08
Tags: BAM, Baywatch Nights, Beauty and the Beast, Bikers... Duck! Because Motorcycles can't hit you if you're on the ground?, Conduit, Conduit... You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means, Coolness vs Basic Reasoning, Creepy Kid, Crying on cue, Doctor David Hasselhoff, Douche NSA, Dreamcatcher, Duchovny can't cry, Duchovny Hair-Watch, Everyone's a dick, Formally deonouncing and rejecting Des and Skylar, GET YOUR INDEX FINGER OFF THAT CHILD'S CROTCH!, How does alien small area exhaust burning work?, Insanly over-generalized archetype deconstruction for the sake of filling a useless article, Johnny-Come-Lately Feedback, Lake Okobogee, Lamest Tattoo, Library Mysteries, Lost Boys, Luckily Robin doesn't make pro-Nazi sentiments... for once, Margot Kidder, Mulder acts like a chimo, Mulder vs Wolf, Mulder's Spirit Guide, Neil Young, NSA security codes are only 3 digits, Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds, Pennywise, Poltergeist ripoff, Pro:Hot-Drinks Anti:Decent-Parenting, Questionable Binary, Rainbow coalition of wolves in unity for America, Rubeeehh!, Rubing maggot adjacent evidence on your chin like a pro, Ruby!, Ruuubeeeehhh!, Sadsack Mulder, Say hello to the night, Scrap Book of Shame, Sexism, Shortalls, Slut-Shaming, Small town dick cops, T-Rex is more likely than aliens, Talkative Hobo, Teenwolf, Tessa is the goddamn Batman, That is not how science works, Three Derivitive Little Pigs, Too close to this case to be rationale… really?, Twin Peaks, Unnecssary CPR, Warning: Listener feedback contains discussion of how characters are dressed... ignore if you can't handle it, Werewolf Pals, Who needs evidence when you have third tier tabloid stories?, Worst Mother Ever
Episode 1×03 – Squeeze
November 13th, 2012
Moira joins us in our bile nest of fun as we watch a super creepy episode. The Female Bashing Investigative Agency is in high form in this episode as Scully is torn between douchebags and Old Spooky, who has got some perfectly reasonable ideas about 100 yr old liver eating stretch-armstrong mutants. There’s an insanely weird half formed plot involving a wistful old cop. Warning! At the 17:08 mark Claire breaks all the rules of proper podcasting by making a comment about someones dress, we completely understand if you find yourself unable to listen to this part and need to file a formal list of grievances with the podcast union.
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It’s the coziest bile-nest on the net!
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Listen to Episode 1×03 – 1:16:08
Tags: Baths and Showers, Bile and Newspaper Nest, Blade Hands, Blatant Sexism, Brad Cupples, Child Marriage, Claire Laffar, Comments about dresses, Cranky old man Tooms just wants to go to bed, David Duchovny, Diminishing the holocaust, Doug Hutchison might be creepier than Tooms, Eugene Victor Tooms, Family Call-in Block, Getting Bitch-Slapped by Exposition, Gillian Anderson, Gollum, handsy neckless grabs, I was a Douchebag for the FBI!, Inability to communicate thwarts the FBI, IT, John's Future, Lamest Nickname Ever, Locke and Horace sitting in a tree, Look behind the matress dum dums, look up... look around... look behind you, Moira Browne, Mulder is a weirdo nerdlinger, Mutants need to make better Investments, My precious, Ninja Turtles is not an x-file, Opening Credits Flying Man, Pennywise, Polygraphs are wack, Robin Burdge, Scully bra watch, Secret Stretchy FBI Fingerprint Tech, Sleepsloth, Spooky, Spooky seedpod or Extra-Terestrial Testicle?, Squeeze, Stretch and grow, Stretch Armstrong, Sunflower seeds are gross, Tammy Ginader, THE CONSEQUENCES OF ETHNIC CLEANSING, The monster of Genocide, The oldest cop, The X-Files, There are no arbitrary language restriction on this podcast... as long as I live, Tom is the worst, Twin Peaks, unjustifiable LEAPS in logic, Weird Actor produced fan fiction, Wild controversial dress discussion
Episode 1×02 – Deep Throat
November 6th, 2012
Claire is off recovering from being blinded by a flying tortilla chip, luckily Matt and Mel are here to help us discuss the most lackluster and boring of all X-Files. Join us as we thrill over the excitement of a mediocre quickly resolved missing persons case! Be shocked as we visit not one but TWO diners in one episode! Can your heart withstand the lackluster halfhearted warnings of a bathroom creeper who is NOT Darren McGavin?
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It’s more fun than anything a former Military pilot could dream of!
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Listen to Episode 1×02 – 0:57:09
Tags: Being a ufo test pilot causes you to have shitty hobbies, Brad Cupples, Broken windows aplenty, Calm down Chris Carter, Chris Carter loves the random numerical facts of his life, Claire Laffar, David Duchovny, Deep Throat, Des is writing anal probe fan fiction, Fuck the military, Gillian Anderson, Inland Empire, Loudest Wiretap, Matt Humphrey, Mélanie Richard, MEN DON'T WEAR SHORTS, Mulder gets some deep throat action in the bathroom, Mulder has no social life, Mulder has street cred to protect, Mysterious man chain of command, No one in this town knows how to use keys properly, One step closer to assembling the weather dominator, Paranormal Bouquet, Paranormal ghost testicle activity, Robin Burdge, Schmacting, Seth Green, Sexy UFOs, Super secret government bases one through six, Tammy Ginader, The Twin Peaks Podcast, The X-Files, Toddler Mulder, Tortilla Chip Space Ship, Weirdo 1940's housewife, Worst opening credits ever, You're so vain... you probably think this podcast is about you Chris Carter